Introduction
Who are you? Sum yourself up in one sentence.
I am the terror that... okay, no. I'm an ugly, socially stunted computer nerd who made myself a robot superhero bombshell to simultaneously fight crime and deal with my repressed mommy issues. Good enough for you?
Do you have any nicknames, street names, titles, or nom de plume?
My robot is called Miss Americana. She has a tiara. Get it? In my old superhero identity, online, I went by Cyberknife. I still drag that persona out from time to time.
What is your full birth name?
Regina Elaine Evans. No one but my mom and pageant consultants ever called me anything but Gina.
Where do you live?
I have a house in Hanover. It's a pretty nice house, it's bigger than the one I grew up in. Kind of ironic that I spend most of my time in the basement.
How old are you? What year were you born (if applicable)?
I'm 22, I was born on May 1, 1988.
Physical Traits
What is your gender? If not applicable, please explain.
I'm female, though I do my best to hide it through complete apathy. Conversely, Miss A appears to be all woman, but she hasn't got so much as a nipple as far as sexual apparatus is concerned. I've thought about changing that in an upgrade sometime, but can't get over the idea that it's probably creepy as hell.
How would you describe your heritage?
One shaky step up from Missouri powitrash. If you want to get technical, I'm some kind of German/Irish/English mutt.
How tall are you?
I hit 5'6 when I was twelve years old and never grew another damn inch. The robot's a much more statuesque 5'10.
What is your body type?
Dumpy and gross. The only thing that keeps me from being three hundred pounds is that when I'm inhabiting, I can't eat. And I do a lot of inhabiting.
Do you have any particular weaknesses, such as allergies or physical disabilities?
I'm not sure, does crippling social anxiety count? How about an inability to twirl a baton or do a sexy dance to save my life?
How do you carry yourself? Are you graceful, or heavy on your feet? Can you be stealthy, do you walk with confidence?
I prefer not to carry myself anywhere, thank you. I'm clumsy on my feet, but it's true that I'm hardly ever seen, so that probably counts as stealthy. Inhabiting the robot changes things. With Miss A, I can use all those lessons in posture and walking and physical attitude without looking like a moron. She makes it look good!
Describe your skin, eye, and hair color.
I spent my formative years spackled in so much makeup and spray tan that my pores have never recovered. I have pale, oily skin, and brown eyes that miss being dark and soulful by a couple shades of meh. I was a towhead as a kid, but my hair is now dishwater blonde and, again thanks to years of abuse with chemicals, is extremely dry and brittle. Miss A is quite different. She has beautiful peaches and cream skin, bright blue eyes with long dark lashes, and platinum blonde hair that is perfectly smooth and just a little bit curly. Come to think of it, she looks exactly the way my mom wanted me to look. Paging Dr. Freud?
How do you wear your hair, if applicable? Do you have facial hair?
My hair generally looks like I stuck my finger in a light socket, because it's so damaged. Very frizzy, almost uncontrollable. I generally pull it back in a ponytail, so only parts of it are sticking up. Miss A, as I mentioned, has perfect hair that she wears clipped back just enough to keep it off the optical sensors.
Do you consider yourself attractive? Do others?
I'm ugly as homemade sin, and where I'm not ugly, I'm socially unappealing. I could fix myself up to be beer-goggles attractive at least, I know how, but it's not worth the effort. Miss A is, of course, as gorgeous as I could make her, and I do excellent work.
Do you have any scars, tattoos, piercings, or birthmarks?
I have a small burn mark behind my left ear where I got burned with a curler when I was eight, and some acne scars on my face. I've thought about getting a tattoo somewhere, but I've never been brave enough to do it.
Do you resemble anyone famous?
Maybe the Crypt Keeper.
Do you have a dominant hand?
Nope. Used to be right-handed, but now my brain is fast enough that I can actually do two different things at a time, one with each hand.
What kind of clothing do you wear?
I wear a lot of sweatsuits, jeans, and t-shirts. I love t-shirts with funny slogans on them, even though it's stupid because no one ever sees them. Miss A has a designer professional and casual wardrobe tailored for her. It cost the moon, but it makes her look even better. She also has her own made-to-order costume. I
Do you wear makeup?
No, I hate it. I don't even look at old pictures of myself wearing makeup. Ugh. Miss A has her makeup dyed into her skin at the appropriate places. It's very subtle, very tasteful, the opposite of everything I was taught.
What is your vocal range? Is your voice distinctive in some way?
I have a very limited soprano vocal range. Two years of singing lessons never coaxed anything more out of me than that. Miss A's voice is actually quite similar to my own, but more resonant and with a wider range on both ends.
Do you have any distinctive habits, nervous tics, or mannerisms? Where did they come from, and what causes them? Do other people notice and remark on these habits? Do they annoy you or other people?
Oh, I'm just a bundle of tics and neuroses. The problem with my enhanced intellect is that it allows plenty of time for accurate self-analysis, which just makes things worse. I'm okay when I'm hunkered down in my burrow, so Miss A is pretty tic-free. But when I go out in public, I mumble, I don't look people in the eyes, I can't keep my hands away from my face, as though I could somehow cover myself up that way. When people intrude on my territory, I'm more likely to bark orders at them, anything to get them away faster. It helps that I haven't bodily left the house in, oh, it's been close to six months now.
History
Where do you come from?
I come from a maladjusted family in a dead-end town with no money and no prospects, and I'm still trying to forget about them.
Have you made any major moves, or do you live in your hometown?
I moved away as far as I could, as fast as I could, and I'm never, ever going back. Yay me!
Do you feel loyal to your country of citizenship? Do you consider yourself patriotic? How do you feel about the government of your country?
I'm not too crazy about the government we've got, but in general I feel positive about America, and really quite lucky to have been born here. I'm not nearly as patriotic as the hero handle suggests though.
How do you feel about the place you come from?
Hate it. Dead end town full of hicks and farmers, most of whom were still a hell of a lot happier than me.
Where is your home town? What was/is it like?
If you look at Missouri, then go far away from St. Louis and the river and anything that might even be marginally interesting, you'll find a little town called Blackwater. 200 people, or 199 as of the 2000 census, since Eric Guntherman thought the census men were going to steal his liver.
Growing up, were most of the people you knew similar to you, or were you somehow a minority? How did that affect you?
The population in Blackwater is 96.98% white, so you can do the math there. Most people were in the same boat as us, scraping by at the bottom of the middle class, working at the factory.
Is there something you've always been really good at or really bad at? How has that affected your life?
I've always been good with computers. It made me who I am today, more or less. I've always been bad at singing, dancing, tumbling, baton twirling, pageant walking, and shaking my groove thing. Those deficiencies also made me who I am today.
Were there any traumatic experiences in your early years (death of a family member, abandonment, orphaned at an early age)?
I don't know if most people would call the life I lived as a child traumatic. It left scars on me, that's for damn sure.
Briefly describe a defining moment in your childhood and how it influenced your life.
When I was about six years old, I was in the Sunshine State Sweeties beauty pageant, this huge full-glam pageant that my mom paid a thousand dollars just to enter me in, even before all the expenses. While I was doing my beauty walk, one of my icepick heels snapped, and I fell down and scraped my hands. I hobbled off-stage to my mama, crying because I hurt myself, and she yelled at me that I'd better get back up on that stage because she didn't have any losers in her family. So I did. It was never the same for her and me after that, even before I actually stopped winning.
What stupid things did you do when you were younger?
I was in my teens when I lost my virginity to the older brother of one of my competitors after I didn't place out of my division at the Southern Belles pageant and my mama wasn't speaking to me again. I was still all decked out in my crowning wear, slouching around the hotel and feeling so damn bad. He said how pretty I was, and he was sixteen and had a car, and I was terribly impressed. We did it in his backseat, and I ruined my dress and hairpiece, and then afterwards he let it get around and said he wouldn't have done it if he'd seen what I looked like without the makeup on. That was not a time in my life for good decisions, really, but I got lucky and only suffered humiliation.
Where did you go to school? How much school did you have, and did you enjoy it?
I went to school in Boonville, the county seat, which was huge with eight thousand people. I was kind of a freak there, since my mom liked to dress me up for school, too, so I looked like a doll or a miniature prostitute on most special occasions. I graduated from high school there, then I split with no forwarding address. There was no money for college, and by the time I'd saved it up, it sounded too boring.
Do you have any mementos of your childhood? What are they, and why did you keep them? If you have none, why not?
I took some stuff with me when I left, but not a lot. I certainly wasn't going to take any of the damn dresses, but I did take one crown that I'd managed to melt into slag with a homemade welder. A few books, a couple of stuffed animals, the typical things I guess people carry forward from childhood. No pictures, and no accent, thank you. Took years to shake that.
When did you decide to become a hero? Why? Did anyone influence you one way or another in the decision?
I became Cyberknife because I wanted to do something good for society that didn't involve me leaving the house. I didn't really have a lot of skills besides using a computer, but I was hell on wheels for that. It got boring after awhile, though. You can only beat down trolls and script kiddies for so long before you want to strangle yourself. I wanted to be doing what the real heroes were doing, out there saving the day.
Is the reason you give people for becoming a hero different than your real reason? If so, why?
Sort of. I mean, I do want to be a hero and do good things and help people. And that sounds a lot less pathetic when I don't add that it's the only thing that gets me out of the house.
Do you have any deep, dark secrets in the past that may come back to haunt you?
Hell, I have deep dark secrets in the present that will probably come back to haunt me. Is that going to stop me? Of course not.
Do you represent yourself as being different from who you really are? Why?
I'm only telling you this because I know this is only going out beyond the fourth wall and no one else will hear it. I want people to pay attention to me. I want them to admire me, and look at me, and _like_ me. Nobody likes me. I don't even like myself. But they like Miss Americana, and for good reason. She's a hero, she does great things for people. She is worth their admiration, and that makes me happy.
If you do have these secrets, what do you fear would happen if the truth became known? How far would you go to protect those secrets?
If my secret got out, I don't think I could be a hero anymore. I mean, telling Doctor Archeville my legal name so I can get a job, that's one thing. I've been careful to erase any pictures of me that would give myself away. I don't think I could stand to have people look at the robot and know that it's some sad fantasy of a basement dwelling troll who can't interact with people.
Do you have any sort of criminal record? If so, is it public knowledge?
No criminal record, and not because I've doctored it, either. Cybercrime is a poorly patrolled area anyway, and most of what I do, they haven't thought to make laws against yet.
Family
What are your biological parents' names?
Charles and Alice Evans, though they go by Charlie and Lissy. My mama never could accept that she wasn't a teenager anymore.
Were you raised by them? If not, please explain and describe who raised you.
That depends on your definition of raised. I lived in their house. I was molded by my mother and ignored by my father, but I lived in their house till I was eighteen.
What was their standing in the community? What did/do they do for a living?
My daddy was just one of the guys who worked down at the factory, but he had a little prestige because he was good at bowling and an elder at the Baptist church, the only church in town. Everybody thought my mama was crazy, and they were right. She thought they were all hicks, and she was right, too.
Where are your parents now?
Far as I know, they're still rotting there back in Blackwater. Daddy's on disability now, he put his back out a year or so ago and can't work anymore.
Did your family stay in one area or move around a lot?
Always in one town, in one small house. The only vacations I remember ever taking were to pageants, and those were working vacations for me.
How did you get along with their parents? How do you get along with them now (if applicable).
My mama's written a few times (where she learned email I have no clue), demanding that I do my familial duty and send them money. I told her she shouldn't have bought so many dresses back in the day. Honestly, I would send them money just to get her off my back, but I know that once the purse strings open, I'll never get them closed again. They have no responsibility for anything I've made of myself, and I'm not responsible for anything of them.
How do your parents view you now, or how would they?
I was my mama's greatest failure and frustration from the time I was about twelve onward. Now she thinks I'm an ATM she just hasn't figured out the passcode for yet. I don't know what Daddy thinks of me, he never cared anyway.
Do you have any siblings? If so how many and what are their names? Describe your relationship with them.
I have two older brothers, Charlie Jr. and Pete. We were never close at all. When I was little, I felt superior because I got all Mama's attention with the pageant stuff. When I got older, I envied them because she didn't care about them and Dad did. It was almost like we were in two single-parent families.
What was your birth order in the family?
I was the youngest of three. Pete is two years older than me, Charlie is five years older than me.
Where are your siblings now (if applicable)? Do they have families of their own? What do they do?
Charlie's married and moved down near St. Louis to get work as a tool and die man at a plant there. He's got three kids of his own already, good god. Pete still lives in Blackwater, still in with my folks, unless that's changed recently. Mama's latest missive says he got a girl in trouble, so there might be a wedding, or just one more bastard for the next Census to count.
Do you stay in touch with them or have you become estranged?
I haven't talked to either of my brothers since I was eighteen, and I don't think I ever will again.
Do you love or hate one member of the family in particular?
I am indifferent to my brothers, who never played much with me, but didn't torment me either, maybe because they saw Mama was taking care of that duty. I hate my mother and father, Mama because of what she did to my childhood, and Daddy because he didn't give a damn.
Is any member of the family special to you in any way (perhaps, as a confidant, mentor, or arch-rival)?
There's no one special to me. Anywhere. Jesus, why don't I go slit my wrists over it, right?
Are there any black (or white) sheep in the family (including you)? If so, please explain.
I guess I'm the black sheep. I'm the only one who got out, or who really wanted out. That's okay, black wool keeps you warmer in winter after you've left the flock.
Do you have a notorious or celebrated ancestor? If so, please explain, including how it has affected your life.
Nope, nobody in my family ever did anything special, except my mama was the runner up for Miss South Carolina in 1982. She might have gotten it the next year if she hadn't gotten Charlie Jr. and then Charlie instead.
Do you have a partner and children currently? If so, please describe them.
Not me! I can't even keep a goldfish alive. If I got a pet, I'd have to take it out for vet visits, walks, training, all that crap. If I want people and animals taking up all my spare time I'll play Farmville.
If you do not have a partner or children, do you want them someday? How firm are you in your opinion on this, and what might change your mind?
Since having kids would require having sex, and having a partner would probably involve same, that seems deeply and ludicrously unlikely. Ask me again if they discover the full-body paper bag.
What type of person would be your ideal mate?
It doesn't matter, does it? I prefer not to dwell on impossibilities when my powers afford me so many options and possibilities in other areas. I guess if I have to say something, I'd want a guy who is really smart like me, who likes engineering, and who has a good enough sense of humor to put up with my sarcasm. And he would have to be blind.
Relationships
Do you have any close friends? If so, please describe them, and how you came to be close to them.
I have fellow hackers and computer geeks that I stay in touch with. I wouldn't necessarily call them close the way others might think of it, but I know their powerwords, and that's as good as it gets online.
Do you have a best friend? If so, how did they become your best friend? How close are you to your best friend?
My very best friend lives in a drawer next to my bed, and I'm not going to tell you more about him. We're very close.
If you were to go missing, who would worry about you?
Well, I do leave the Peapod guy a ludicrous tip every week to bring in my groceries and put away the perishables. He'd probably miss that if it stopped. And now that I'm getting a job, they might wonder. That's about it.
Have you lost any loves? If so, how did it happen, and what did you do?
I've never really loved anyone. I am full of agape, the near-religious love that encompasses the entire universe, even though most people don't deserve it!
Do you have any bitter enemies? If so, please describe them and their history with you.
Most of my enemies are people or entities I annoyed during my time as Cyberknife. I was a white hat, so I did quite a bit of work taking down spammer, scammers, and actual computerized villains, as well as anonymously exposing the occasional dirty company or pushing a pedophile out of his dirty nest. None of them like me much at all.
If you have enemies, how do you think they might attempt to work against you in the future?
Now that I'm not Cyberknife anymore, and have thoroughly covered my tracks, I would be surprised if any of them are capable or willing of coming after me. There's nothing to connect Miss Americana and Cyberknife, and she's just too doggone cute to make any enemies.
What is the worst thing someone has done to you?
I'm starting to feel like I'm beating a dead horse at this point, but what the hell. I'm a neurotic genius, I'm entitled. I think the worst thing anyone has ever done to me, the thing that messed me up the most, was when the only person who loved me made her love contingent on my performance in a sport that made a performing animal out of me. And when I couldn't perform, even before I wouldn't, she took it away. And she spent my goddamned college fund in the process!
Where do your loyalties lie? In what order?
Short list. To doing what's right, to doing what's right for me, to doing what helps people, to doing what I enjoy. That's the decision flowchart right there.
Who or what do you trust the most? Why?
I trust no one but myself, which kind of sucks, because I don't even trust myself that much.
Who or what do you despise? Why?
I despise a lot of people, but no one as much as myself. I am an ugly, gutless coward with no friends, and I hide behind an avatar that's every bit as pathetic as the people who lock themselves away playing buxom elf babes in online games. But I'm lying to real people in the process. Is that going to stop me? Of course not.
What qualities do you admire most in other people? Are these qualities you possess?
I admire people with the ability to make friends easily, who have natural compassion, who makes decisions easily and confidently, and who are very smart. I am very smart.
What qualities do you hate most in other people? Do you have any of those qualities?
I hate people who use others for selfish reasons. I mean, I lie to people, but not in ways that hurt them. Some people just don't care who they hurt, as long as they get what they want, and that's despicable. Some people are totally incapable of seeing the pain that they cause while they're getting what they want, and that's even worse.
Do you have a secret identity? If so, who knows it? Do you hide it from people who are close to you? Why?
I do, though it is less my name and more my face. If no one in the world ever saw me again, I would be okay with that. I think it is an unworkable long-term strategy, but a girl can dream.
Do you work well on teams and in groups? Are you a leader or a follower?
I really do better on my own or in collaborations, when it comes to my work. I enjoy combining my work with someone else's, bouncing ideas around and working together that way, but I'm not interested in having a lab partner. As far as superhero work goes, maybe it's because I don't have nearly so much ego invested in it, but I find it a lot easier to work together and take direction. I know when I'm the n00b, I'm not going to pretend otherwise at the risk of my own health or the mission at hand.
Are you on a super team? If so, how do you get along with your comrades? Do you trust them, or do you have secrets from them?
I am not on a superteam, and I think it would be pretty unwise to join one. I have a feeling that even if the other members of a team didn't reveal their secret identities to me, they would feel somehow betrayed if they were to learn of mine.
Are you a member of any church, fraternal organization, club, committee, political party, or other group? How much time do you spend on that?
I'm not really one for a lot of grouping. I usued to be in a couple of guilds, but I got bored with that ages ago. I was part of the local Baptist church growing up, but that's a thing of the past. I've thought about joining MENSA, but I'm too much of a snob.
Personality & Beliefs
Who are your heroes?
I've always been a fan of Konrad Zuse, who invented the first programmable computer, back in the forties. It looked more like the inside of a piano than a computer, but it worked. He invented it because he needed it for a purpose, and when it fulfilled that purpose, he just kept making it better and better. And he never took much credit for it, because having the machine that did what it was supposed to was its own reward.
Did you ever become disillusioned with former heroes or idols? If so, why and what were the circumstances?
I used to really look up to the beauty queens, Miss America and Miss Universe and such. I wanted to be them so much, because I thought how proud they must be, and how proud everyone must be of them. But they're anorexic, overstyled, overcompeted, unhappy women who don't know how to love themselves if other people aren't loving them. So maybe I'm a lot like them, but it doesn't mean I have to like them.
Do you like being a hero? If so, what is the most rewarding part? If not, what makes you keep doing it?
I like being a hero very much. I like having the power to make things right, and to make people's lives better. I like getting out and seeing and doing thing IRL,
Is there anything that would make you give up hero work, or even switch sides?
Not switch sides, but like I said earlier, if the truth about the face behind the robot ever got into circulation, I think I'd probably retire to someplace very far away like a desert island.
What are your short term goals (what would you like to be doing within a year)?
I'd like to be working at ArcheTech, checking out all that awesome equipment and collaborating with the awesome team he's put together there. I could do so much with those kinds of resources at my disposal, a lot of good beyond just saving people out of burning buildings.
What are your long term goals (what would you like to be doing twenty years from now)?
Okay, maybe this is going to sound creepy weird, but I want to eventually make a robot so good, so perfect and functional, that I can upload myself into it, and either permanently hide or drop the meat body entirely. Just think of it, a perfect mechanical body with perfect biofeedback, so that I'm not just pretending anymore. I would _be_ Miss A.
What is your greatest fear? Why? What do you do when something triggers this fear?
I hate it when people laugh at me, especially for what I look like and how gross I am. I'm afraid people are going to see through me to the small ick person inside the robot, and see all my inadequacies laid out in front of them. When I start to think about it too much, I begin withdrawing, though, and that's the opposite of what I want to do.
Is there anything you would give you life for?
Of course. If there was a chance for my sacrifice to save the lives of many people, or maybe even the whole world, or if I could become immortalized for my great deeds as a hero by doing something that would cost me my life, I'd definitely do it. You have to be willing to go all-in, or why bother anteing up?
How do you feel about money and material wealth? Do you desire it or disdain it? Are you miserly with what you have, or do you like to share? Is it a mark of success, or a means to an end?
I love money! I love all the things I can do with it, the security of it, the anonymity of it. I have enough money that I don't even need to leave my house. Someone mows my lawn, someone delivers my groceries and my lab supplies, I pay my bills online, my movies come to me over the television. And of course, it took gobs of money to build the robot. That was pretty important. Money is great.
How do you generally treat others?
I'm not a very nice person, I'm the first to admit it. I'm snarky and sarcastic, and I don't suffer fools gladly. That's one thing I've really tried to tone down with the robot persona. She's a beautiful heroine, she needs a personality to match. Though sometimes I have to bite my (metaphorical) tongue when someone is being egregiously stupid.
Are you a trusting person? Has your trust ever been abused?
I'm not even going to bother counting the times my trust was abused, because it would be extraordinarily depressing. I was a very naïve little kid, and I pretty much thought that if someone said they were my friend, or said that I was pretty, or said that they loved me, that they actually meant it. This got me into no end of trouble until I was a teenager and wised up. Now I don't trust anybody any further than I can control their actions and compensate for any potential betrayal. Maybe I've gone too far in the other direction, but I've also stopped being made a fool, which is comforting.
Are you introverted (shy and withdrawn) or extroverted (outgoing)? Do you have a lot of self-confidence?
If you look in the dictionary under “introverted,†you would find my picture, except that I don't allow any contemporary pictures of me to exist. When I'm in the robot, that's the only time I have self-confidence IRL. Online, I have all the confidence in the world, I'm an internet tough guy who can back up her claims.
How do you act around attractive, available members of your preferred sex?
In my body it isn't an issue, which is good, since trying to crawl into ones own clothes like a turtle so as to remain unseen is embarrassing and unattractive. Miss A can use every quip, one-liner and innuendo I ever picked up, and she can use them very effectively. It's kind of awesome. It's almost too bad I can't use her for anything more than flirting... nah. Creepy weird.
What are your most annoying habits?
I have a lot of annoying habits, but I think the one where I can't leave my house is probably the worst. I have a feeling I'm missing out on some things.
Do you feel contempt for any general category of people? Who are they, and why?
If you're asking if I have any major prejudices, then no. I grew up around a crapload of racists, which is actually a really good way to see how stupid and small they are. I think pretty much all people are the same in their capacity for beauty and idiocy, with superheroes capable of proportionately greater quantities of both.
What is your favorite food? Do you prefer any particular type of food? Do you take the time to enjoy your food, or do you eat as fast as you can?
Food and I have kind of a tortured relationship. I love chips and salty snacks, cookies, hot pretzels with cheese, hamburgers and cheeseburgers, delivery pizzas, all that bad-for-you stuff. But thanks to my upbringing, I am keenly aware of how unoptimal my weight already is, so I feel guilt when I eat any of that crap. So I generally get around it by eating while my mind is busy with something else, so I can ignore the guilt, but I don't get to enjoy the food.
What is your favorite drink (alcoholic or otherwise)?
Mountain Dew. The poor Peapod guy has to deliver that stuff by the caseload every week, he must think I'm running a concession stand out of my house or something. Sometimes when I want to mix it up, I add bourbon and cinnamon schnapps to make a drink called a Neon Geek. It's surprisingly good, and it will mess me up real fast.
What is your favorite treat (dessert)?
Mississippi Mud Pie ice cream sandwiches. I can't forget about the Schwanns guy, he is right up there with the Peapod guy on the list of people who would miss me if I dropped dead in my basement. He brings me my ice cream sandwiches and is quite good about just leaving it all in the cooler on the porch.
Are there any specific foodstuffs that you find disgusting or refuse to eat?
Collard greens. These were a staple in my childhood and adolescence, but I swear it's like eating my own dirty laundry. Ick.
What is your favorite color? Are there any colors you dislike?
My very favorite color is green, deep green like the color of grass in the middle of summer when the rain's been kind. That's another thing I miss, I guess, but the grass is hardly ever like that anyway.
What sort of music do you like? Is there any that you hate?
I like techno, cliched as it is, nerdcore, and jazz. I love Jonathan Coulton, of course. I hate rap and metal, they just sound like noise to me, and pop music makes me vomitous.
If you have a favorite scent, what is it?
I really like the smell of Jelly Bellies. Not the generic ones, the real ones, with the buttered popcorn in there.
Do you have a favorite animal?
I think pandas are pretty cool. I donate some money to zoos and wildlife funds every year to protect endangered species and stuff. Even if I never have kids, there will be kids in the next generation who deserve to see all the animals we're rapidly trying to kill off.
What is your most treasured possession? Why?
The Miss Americana robot, of course. She's my new window on the world, my IRL avatar. She's also worth more than most anything I own, and I can't exactly insure her.
Do you enjoy "roughing it", or do you prefer your creature comforts?
I am a creature of comforts, definitely. The wilderness has less than no appeal to me. Not only is it outside, it's not even the fun parts of outside like shopping and seeing new movies and going to restaurants.
Is there a job or a task you would absolutely refuse to do?
Sure, lots of them. I'm too smart to do all kinds of jobs, and unless there was an extraordinarily compelling reason to even do them once, I would pass. I am ideally suited to the work I do now, there's no reason to change.
Do you consider yourself a spiritual person? If so, how do your beliefs affect your life?How important is it to you?
Nope, not me! Religion is the opiate of the masses. People are too afraid to take it on faith that the majority of humans are evolutionarily conditioned to treat each other in a mostly decent way, and instead must rely on the crutch of a punishing godfather in heaven to scare other people straight. BS, if you ask me. We have to be good to each other because we're all we've got in this world or any world.
Was your faith influenced or molded by anyone special?
I went to the Baptist church growing up, heard the preacher calling down hellfire and damnation on the sinners, and then saw him diddling the deacon's wife out behind the K-Mart. Tsk, tsk. If he didn't believe in hell enough to keep his coveting out of his neighbor's wife's pants, why should I?
If you belong to a religious organization, how often do you attend? Do you have a specific place of worship, or friends within the organization? How much do you agree with the beliefs of your organization?
I did sign up for the newsletter of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, I believe that makes me some kind of an ordained minister. I do agree with the Church of the Divine Looney, who believe in the power of prayer to turn the tongue purple.
Could you kill? Have you killed?
I haven't, but I think I could, if the need were great enough, and there was no other better alternative at hand.
What circumstances led to you forming that conviction, or taking that action?
The best and worst thing about having such an incredibly enhanced mind is the ability to sort out all possible outcomes in an instant and choose the best one with no hesitation. If I killed, it would be because I had analyzed all the salient factors of the situation and had determined that there was no other, better outcome.
Are there circumstances under which you believe it is permissible to kill? What are they?
If it's necessary to stop some greater harm, and there's no alternative that doesn't involve killing that would lead to an outcome where the harm is avoided, it is permissible to kill, provided that the entity being killed is in some sense responsible for the situation at hand.
How would you react to watching someone kill another person? Would your reaction be different if the killer was a friend or an enemy of yours?
It would depend on the circumstances, I imagine. If it had to be done, I think I would be kind of icked out, but ultimately okay with it.
How would you react if something important was stolen from you?
I would probably be reluctantly impressed that someone managed to breach my security, and then I would hunt them down to the ends of the earth until they were heartily sorry that they ever considered embarking upon a life of crime.
How would you react to public humiliation?
Going by my record, I would probably crawl off into a corner and cry until all my mascara was running down my cheeks, so that people would look at me and ask if my face was melting. That's just a wild guess, of course.
How would you react if a good friend or relative were purposely or accidentally killed? Has it happened to you?
I don't have anyone who I care enough about to make this question mean what it should. I would be upset if someone I knew were senselessly killed. All life is precious, and should never be treated carelessly. Even people I don't like.
What do you consider to be the worst crime someone could commit and why?
Probably stealing my robot, but I'm sure that's not actually the answer you're fishing for. How about genocide? That's classically a pretty safe answer to this question.
If your life were to end in 24 hours, what five things would you do in those remaining hours?
I would find a way to live longer, of course. And if not, I might call my mama and taunt her about the fact that I'm leaving my entire estate to charity.
Career & Training
Do you have any special training in your hero skills? If so, where and how did you get it?
I'm entirely self-taught! I did a huge amount of studying, read pretty much all the literature that's available about metahuman powers and metaphysics, but I didn't actually talk to anyone about heroing while I was in the building process.
Who taught you the most about your heroing abilities? What was your relationship with that person?
Probably Doctor Archeville, actually, though I didn't even know him at that point. His company is doing the most cutting-edge research on metahuman skills and potentials, research that was invaluable as I was designing the robot.
Do you have any particularly unusual skills? How did you acquire them?
I can inhabit almost any mechanical or electronic device and make it do what I want it to do. I got the ability from a stranger who instant messaged me and asked me what my fondest wish was. I don't understand it either, and sometimes it worries me.
Do you do something besides hero work for a living? Have you ever done anything else, or do you plan to?
Inventing pays my actual bills, though it's not sexy mad-scientist inventing, for the most part. I save that for my off-hours. I develop a lot of targeted computer programs to solve problems in certain industries, then sell them those programs. It's a pretty good business, if you can figure out the answers. And it's not that hard, if you just put your enhanced mind to it!
What is your preferred combat style?
I prefer to sit back here in my comfy recliner with a pillow under my head and let my superpowered robot use her laser fists of justice on evildoers! That really works for me.
Have you ever received any awards or honours?
Back in Missouri, there's still a shelf full of crowns I won when I was little and cute. I bet my mama wears them around the house when no one is looking. If my high school weren't such a crapsack bit of backwater football filth that could care less about actual academics, I might have won some honors there, too. Oh well.
What skill areas would you like most to improve in? Is there anything you can't do that you wish desperately you could?
I need to work on my piloting skills, and get better at pinpoint robot control. I know all the things I want to do, I just have to get better at them!
How do you act around people who are more skilled than you in areas you'd like to improve? Are you jealous, or do you try and learn?
Mm, it's never really come up. There are people I'm jealous of, but not for their smarts or skills. If I want to learn something, I can. It's not an issue.
Lifestyle & Hobbies
What is a normal day for you? How do you feel when something interrupts this routine?
Generally I get up around eight, maybe later if I feel like it. I grab a shower and put on a sweatsuit, then grab my breakfast and head downstairs to the computer. If the Peapod guy or Schwans guy are supposed to come, I check for them about halfway through the morning, otherwise I'll stay downstairs till lunch. I go up for lunch and look at the weather, use the bathroom, all that good stuff. If I'm tired, I'll take an afternoon siesta, then back downstairs till dinnertime at seven or eight. I come up and make some food and take it downstairs with me, and work or play till maybe 2am, then do the dishes and go to bed. I don't really know why I have such a big house. Some interruptions, like hero work, are cool. Other interruptions, like anything that requires the attention of the meat body, are met with great consternation.
Do you have any hobbies, or interests outside hero work? What are they, and where did you pick them up?
I play a lot of computer games, I have since I learned how to use the computer. These days I'm pretty into casual gaming, and have set a couple of worldwide records that I'm oddly proud of.
What do you do for fun?
Oh, lots of things. Play with the computer, take naps, play with the computer, read, play with the computer, pilot the robot and fight crime, play with the computer...
Do you have a costume? What does it look like?
My costume is Miss Americana. She has a snazzy red-white-and-blue spandex uniform that shows off all the time I spent sculpting her, and a little red cape to go with it. She even has a tiara, because she is the prettiest one.
How do you normally dress when not in costume?
I almost always wear sweatsuits or jeans and t-shirts. Sometimes I wear my pajamas all day, but since that's usually a sweatsuit or t-shirt and shorts, it can be quite hard to tell.
What do you wear to bed most nights?
You're not a very intuitive fourth-wall-breaking question asking program, are you?
Do you wear any special jewelry? What is it, and what does it look like?
I don't wear any jewelry. I don't have anything that's really important enough to want to wear when no one's looking, and I don't want anyone looking.
Do you have a special place where you keep your valuables?
All my valuables are in my house. I have several different safes, for maximum protection. Even if a thief blows one, he's unlikely to find them all.
What's your preferred means of local travel? How about long distance?
That's not really applicable. I never go anywhere, ever!
Miscellaneous
Have you ever made a will, or tried to make arrangements for your death? What provisions did you make?
I have meticulous arrangements for my own funeral and the disposition of my estate. I will be cremated with no funeral service, since nobody would want to come anyway, and there's no need for a grave. My entire estate will go to a variety of charities and foundations set up for math and science education for disadvantaged children, especially girls. My only regret is that I won't see my mother's face.
If your features were to be destroyed beyond recognition, is there any other way of identifying your body?
I have DNA prints of myself on file in my safe, just in case. I doubt it would ever be much of an issue in death, though.
What would you like to be remembered for after your death?
I'd like to be remembered as Miss Americana, a heroine who fought for the good of the people, and was beautiful and brilliant and brave all the days of her life.
Do you believe you pose a threat to the public? Why or why not?
Oh, definitely. If I wanted real ultimate power, I could take it. But who would want the hassle and headache of running the world? Besides, I think it would blow my cover.
What do you perceive as your greatest strength?
I am super, duper, ooper smart. Pretty much as smart as anyone could ever possibly conceive of being. That's not bragging, either, I've read studies.
What do you perceive as your greatest weakness?
I can't go outside the house in my own skin. I'm really psychologically messed up, and there's no way around that.
As a player, if you could, what advice would you give your character? Speak as if he/she were sitting right here in front of you. Use proper tone so they might heed your advice...
Get some therapy, please. You could be so much healthier, and so much happier, if you let go of your old pain and all the neuroses that spring from it.
