20 Question Interview for Rot

[Huckleberry]

Sophomore Yearbook Interviews Begin at 11:55

 

Pretty clear sign, right? Consuelo Nunez, a.k.a. Rot thought so. And so did all the other new Claremont Academy students waiting the hallway – a few of them intent on making their mark in the official school publication, but most of them just with nothing better to do, and not wanting to admit it. But, as the minutes ticked by, more and more of the students seemed to suddenly in fact figure out that their must be something better to do. It just didn’t seem like a good idea to wait in line with this ragged-looking girl with the crazy long green dreadlocks. So, by 11:57, when the yearbook staff came to unlock the room, Consuelo was the only one left.

 

“Huh, that’s weird. Usually, a lot more people show up to get interviewed. You, uh, don’t mind answering all twenty questions do you . . .?”

 

“It’s, um, ‘Rot’.” By the day, Consuelo was getting more self-conscious and unsure about her decision to go by her superhero name at school. This is a nice surprise. This girl is standing right next to me, but she’s not freaking out. I wonder what the difference is.

 

“Okay, I’m Sara. Do you mind if my robot Ciri sits in? I’m testing some new social observation algorithms in her program.”

 

“Uh, sure.”

 

The pale journalist known as ‘Sara’ taps a few things on her watch, and a sleek, pale-blue humanoid robot is teleported into the classroom. “Great. If you could just sit down here, we can begin.”

 

“Uh, actually, I prefer to stand.”

 

“Suit yourself” Removing her high-tech watch, Sara sets it on the desk, to better position the microphone. “So, what is your most listened to song so far this year?”

 

“Um, I’ve kind of been listening to Vegas a lot, for some reason.”

 

“Okay, which school tradition are you most proud of?”

 

“Uh, I don’t really, like, know the school traditions. I never really thought I would go here. But, I like the part about it being a school for kids with super-powers, I guess. Because that’s how I got in here, and it’s better than where I was before. Um, hey, can I ask you a question?”

 

Sara looks down at her watch on the desk. “If you’re quick.” But then smiles like she was just messing with Rot.

 

“Ha! Okay. So, like, I have this thing with my powers where people get, like angry with me just by standing close to me. But you seem to not be affected . . . any guess why?”

 

“Oh, well that’s obvious. It’s my superior mental abilities. Okay, so, next question. Would students be more productive if cell phones were banned during school hours?” Was that a small eye roll from Sara?

 

“Um, yeah, like I was saying, when people are physically close to me, they get, like automatically really upset with me. So, online is like about the only place I can interact with people kind of normally. I have to use like, voice activation for basically everything, because, when I swipe too much, my phone ends up disintegrating pretty fast. But even so, online communication is like this big refuge for me. So not having access to my phone all day would really suck.”

 

“Oh yeah, that makes sense. So . . . what’s your favorite school lunch?”

 

“Wow, you’ve got some hard-hitting questions there, Sara. This may be controversial, but I’d have to say: anything with tater-tots. They're best when they’re crispy, but . . . I know people think they’re kind of gross when they’re under-cooked and slimy, but I kind of like them that way too.”

 

“You disgust me.” Consuelo blanches. “Oh god, I’m just kidding, sorry. Just joking about the tater-tots. Anyway, next question: should our school keep the vending machines?”

 

“Um, like, I guess, if people like them. I never use them, because I’m afraid I might accidentally disintegrate the touch screen or the dispenser slot or something. I totally did that at an old school. Actually, I had bought some . . . Skittles, I think? But the bag didn’t fall out of those like screw-ring things that turn around to let the candy out, you know? So I was, like, just trying to shake it a little bit, you know, to get the Skittles to drop. But I must have been a little upset or something because the whole front glass disintegrated, and I went crashing into like, all of the items stored inside. And everything just went spilling out all over the floor!” As Consuelo swings her arms wide to pantomime the trajectory of multiple snack items, the back of her hand lightly brushes Sara’s high-tech watch on the desk, just nudging it off the edge. Oh crap!

 

As Consuelo lunged to save the piece of tech from falling, her hand brushed Sara’s, also doing the same. “Ow!!” Sara withdrew her hand, shook it, and looked at it. “You burned me!”

 

Consuelo looked at Sara’s hand in a panic, but it didn’t look damaged at all. The effects of her powers on flesh were typically anything but subtle, yet Sara’s hand appeared unblemished. “Uh, it doesn’t look burned . . .”

 

“I can feel it. Oh my god. You freak! Oh my god! What the hell? I need to see the nurse!” Sara gets up and runs out of the room, looking intently at her perfectly fine hand.

 

Consuelo is left alone in the room in more-or-less stunned silence. Well, not truly alone.

 

“Excuse me,” a pleasant, synthesized voice issues from the up-to-now silent robot against the wall. “Would it be permissible for me to continue the interview, in my creator’s absence? This activity would conform to my social observation programming testing protocol.”

 

“Sure, knock yourself out, Ciri.”

 

“Figure of speech interpreted as affirmative. Compiling interview questions now. Compilation complete. Re-commencing interview. Next interview prompt: Tell me about yourself?”

 

“Uh, okay. I’m, like, a girl that has super-powers that let me disintegrate things. That’s, like, a really broad question, Ciri.”

 

“Noted. Next prompt: What critical feedback do you most often receive?”

 

“These don’t seem like normal yearbook-type questions. . .. I guess people are often critical when I accidentally disintegrate things. But maybe I get negative feedback even more when I don’t disintegrate things, but people react negatively to me just because they get too close, like what just happened with Sara. My mom says I’m irresponsible a lot. But that’s like a joke, coming from her. Um . . . maybe, um maybe let’s not put that last part in there, okay, Ciri?”

 

“Tell me about a time you overcame an obstacle.”

 

“Uh, hmm, let’s see. For a while I was getting in trouble at school at lot, well, I mean getting in trouble specifically for the same reason a lot, because my disintegration powers were getting stronger and I was like, too young to realize how often I had to put on new clothes to not, like run out of having clothes on. So, like I begged my mom to let me buy like as many clothes as I could at the thrift store, and then carry around extra clothes to school. So, I think that counts. Now, my sponsor – and I don’t really know who that is – gets me these super suits that don’t disintegrate, as long as I’m wearing something else over them. Oh yeah, and now I sleep on metal sheets, so that I don’t ruin the floor overnight. Although I guess that was one of my mom’s boyfriends that figured that out. Does that still count?”

 

“How do you handle stress?”

 

‘Uh, well, for me, a lot of stress comes from being around other people. Because everything is always so complicated. So I will like, seek isolation when I’m really down. But then, I can get lonely too, so I’ll try to hang out with people. But that never seems to go so great. So I guess I blow off stress by saying mean little things to people sometimes. Or by, like, destroying things that aren’t that important. Dang. That sounds pretty bad, I guess.”

 

“What have been your most positive and negative management experiences?”

 

“What? I’m, like too young for this question. Most positive management experiences? I don’t know. I don’t have, like, a lot of good experiences with institutions, you know? I guess probably this school is the best experience, since it’s geared toward people with super-powers. So, I think it’s able to handle, like, more variety in its students. I’ve definitely gotten in trouble at school a lot. And with the law a little bit too, even. Probably pretty lucky I didn’t end up in Juvie. Kind of a miracle, really.”

 

“Why are you leaving your current position?”

 

“My current position? Well, my mom hasn’t held a job down for very long for a while now. And, I know I’m not a cheap kid, with all the stuff I break. It’s not like she’s that great at dealing with life anyway, but I think I give her a lot more stress. Also, there was this deal that this other robot made for me after some . . . trouble happened, that makes it so I have to go to school here. Hey, do you know a robot named RoboLawyer3000? I’d kind of like to see him again.”

 

“I am aware of no such other robot. Next question: How many pennies, if stacked on top of each other, would equal the height of the Empire State Building?”

 

“What? I don’t know. Like, a lot?”

 

“Why do you want to work here?”

 

“Who said I want to work here? Do you mean, like, with the yearbook or something? It’s like, I want to go to this school. I am going to this school. This is like actually better than a dream come true. Like, if I could actually be a super-hero, I could actually finally make sense, you know? Like everything I do, everywhere I go, I just get resented and I just ruin stuff. It’s like, a lot to deal with. For everyone. But like, for me most of all. But if I could be a super-hero, like for real for real, then instead of just being a problem, my powers could actually do something good. And I might actually be appreciated. Because really, I’m pretty awesome. I just have to, you know, always remind myself of that. Because I don’t hear it too much from other people.”

 

“Why might we hire you?”

 

Consuelo looks Ciri a long time like the robot might be insane. In reality, of course, Ciri was neither sane nor insane, but merely an automated device. But to Consuelo, the robot seemed insane. “What are you talking about, Ciri? Hire me for what? Does Sara have a secret lab somewhere where she is doing nefarious deeds? Is she a budding young supervillain in search of a little low-cost, super-human muscle?” Hmm. Would that actually be that bad? No. Stay focused Suelo. Eyes on the prize. “You’re weird, Ciri.” And the as-of-yet-walking-the-straight-and-narrow young super-human crosses her arms in suspicion.

 

“Do you have any regrets so far in your professional career?”

 

“My what? Oh, wait a minute, do you know about the . . . guns thing? Yeah, that didn’t go over exactly as planned. I mean, there were some good things too. I learned that I’m pretty good at, um, scaring people into talking. I know that sounds bad, but like, I think it can be good to, like in the right circumstances. Also, I found out that getting shot by a machinegun doesn’t hurt me. That was insane. But yeah, I don’t think I really thought about the legal ramifications for me or any of my, uh, clients? Are superheroes enemies called clients? That doesn’t sound quite right. . ..”

 

“What’s your greatest achievement?”

 

“Um, huh. Hmm. Well, uh, my costume is pretty cool, right? I mean my super suit, the one that doesn’t disintegrate, it’s lust like a normal black body suit, but, like, when I accessorize it with this cropped leather jacket and these tactical pouches, it looks badass, right? And with the green dreads, it’s like, one slick package. All the other super-heroes are jealous. I know it. They’re just playing like they’re above me. But really, their jealous.”

 

“Um, hey, Ciri, I think maybe you’re like reading from the wrong list of questions. Like maybe from a list of questions you ask someone that is interviewing for like a job in an office or something? Maybe you should, like, check that?”

 

“Feedback acknowledged. Recompiling questions list. Compilation complete. Re-commencing interview. Who do you love more, your parents, your spouse, or your dog?”

 

“Wow. I take that back. That last list wasn’t so bad after all. So first, I’m sixteen, and I’m in America. I don’t have a spouse. I don’t think I could have a spouse, because they would hate me, and I might accidentally disintegrate them.” Consuelo is quiet for a little bit. “So, my dad left when I was six. Like, years before I even got my powers! He was a jerk, and I’m glad he’s gone. My mom drives me crazy more than any other person in the world. She like hides in her pills and booze. It just wears me out. And no dogs. For the same reason as the spouse.”

 

“Next question. My friend’s son wants to drop out of high school and learn car repair. I told her to send him over. What advice do you think I gave him?”

 

“Ciri, I think maybe, like, you’re on pills too? Where did you even get that question? I mean, I guess maybe you told him to like, save his money and try to avoid expensive habits, or something like that.”

 

“Final question: I can’t figure out how to grows my business. Got any ideas?”

 

“What the actual hell, Ciri? Maybe you should try to build a buzz on social media. Actually, you know, that’s not that bad an idea. Maybe I should do that for my hero work? But I have trouble with computers and phones, because of the whole disintegration thing. Hmm. Maybe I can team up with someone that is good at social media but could use my skills of . . . destroying things and scaring people. Yeah. The idea still needs work, I admit.”

 

“Thank you for your responses. That concludes this interview.” And with that, Ciri methodically, unhurriedly picked up Sara’s watch and teleported away.

 

“Um, good. Okay.” You know, I think I like robots. They’re consistent. Rot yawns and looks around. She looks down and sees a subtle depression in the floor where she had been standing for the last twenty minutes. “Oh crap!” Forgot to hover! Time to go. . ..

Edited November 15, 2023 by Huckleberry