Draco's Drafts - Iris

[Dracostern]

Cerebral
Power Level: 8 (150/150)
Unspent Power Points: 0 

Trade-Offs: ±X Attack / ±X Damage, ±X Defense / ±X Toughness 

 

In Brief: Psychic Twin, an orphan who was picked up off the streets by a supervillain and turned into a super criminal. After a heist was stopped by a superhero, she would flee to Freedom city and try to start a new life.

Catchphrase: “Do we seriously need a catchphrase?”

Theme: None

 

Alternate Identity: Iris Evans (Secret Identity)
Birthplace:  Emerald City

Residence: Claremout Academy
Base of Operations:  N/A

Occupation:  Student
Affiliations: Daniel, Claremout Academy
Family: Has a twin brother named Daniel, her parents are unknown.

 

Description:
Age:  16 Born on March 2008
Apparent Age:  16
Gender:  Female
Ethnicity: Caucasian
Height:  5’4
Weight:  125 Ibs
Eyes:  Blue
Hair:  Brown (short but a bit curly)

Description:
A young woman with blue eyes and short brown hair. She’s a bit on the skinny side however. Normally she wears jeans, running shoes and a shirt. She is fit and very much a tomboy.

 

Her superhero outfit is a simple dark purple onepiece, full body suit (save for the face) with a black collar and an emblem of a brain on a black circle in the centre of her chest. She also wears a black mask that covers her eyes and nose. She also wears black elbow long gloves and boots.

 

 

History:

Daniel and Iris were born in a poorer area of Emerald city, with their parents being unable to care for them and as such the twins were discarded. They were forced to survive on the streets, Iris grew to become quite protective of Daniel during this time and it was them against the world. However, when they were around thirteen the supervillain known as The Big Brain kidnapped them along with other orphans in an attempt to create super criminals, and hopefully find a new container for him should his body die. However, such a thing would require strong mental capabilities. So, for the moment he would set the children up as criminals.

He experimented on the twins, giving them psychic powers and training them to become one of these super criminals. They would spend the next three years training to understand their powers and use them in heists.

 

During one of these heists a superhero would show up to stop them. While the twins grew up slightly stunted emotionally, they were not emotionless and the hope they saw on their captive’s eyes when the superhero showed up seemed to spark something inside Daniel. Iris would slowly come to understand why. He wanted, deep down, to save people. Having hated his life under The Big Brain.

Iris would understand, she failed to spot this in her twin sooner, and that weighs on her somewhat. But during the failed Heist, all she could think about was escape and in the chaos of battle, the twins fled. They would ditch their villainous personas (Stem for Iris and Corpex for Daniel) before going on the run.

 

Eventually they would find their way to Freedom City and took odd jobs to gain enough capital to rent an Apartment in the Fens. One day, while out looking for another job, Iris would notice someone getting robbed and would use her powers to save the person…whom happened to be a teacher, Darian Skylar, whom was impressed enough by the display, not that he was in any real danger, and learned a bit about Iris and her brother, recommending them to Claremout Academy. Where they would be provided with scholarships under the watchful eye of the Headmistress who is the only person who knows about their past. 

 

 

Personality & Motivation:

 

Iris gives off the appearance of someone cold and aloof but that’s just a front. She is hyper aware and always on the look out for dangers. She cares about her brother deeply and is extremely defensive of him. Despite these rather intense traits, she can be snarky as well.

With all this being said, Iris has had a troubled history, this has stunted her understanding of herself and her desires. She does want to become a hero and make up for her past crimes, but she also wants to soul search as well. She has yet to fully understand her desire to help people…and her attraction to the same sex.
 

 

Powers & Tactics:

 

Iris is a textbook Psychic. Telepathy, Telekinesis, Mind Shielding and Mind Blasts. She is fit and capable physically but no where near levels of superhuman, just slightly above average. Typically, Iris likes to think through plans and ideas before executing them, taking time to understand her surroundings and her enemies before attacking.
 

She is very much a thinker in this regard.

 

Power Descriptions:
 

Her psychic abilities manifest via slightly purple energy, mostly her Mind Blasts and Telekinesis. The rest of her abilities are less detectable visually as benefitting someone with psychic abilities.   

 

Complications:
 

Two Peas in a Pod: Iris is protective of Daniel and when he’s in trouble, she tends to tunnel vision on saving him. Should her twin be in threatened in a significant way. Mechanically this only activates if Daniel has been kidnapped or something major has happened to him, and she is not with him. Smaller threats and fights won’t trigger it. GMs can also decide if HPs are awarded for this or not.

 

Enemies: The Big Brain created and used Iris and Daniel, despite the fact that they have escaped his shadow still haunts them. Should he or his goons show up to mess with them then a Hero Point is awarded.

 

On the Run: The twins were criminals once, should this be found out and they have to clear their names, then a HP can be awarded.

 

Abilities: 2 + 2 + 2 + 8 + 8 + 0 = 22PP
Strength: 12 (+1)
Dexterity: 12 (+1)
Constitution: 12 (+1)
Intelligence: 18 (+4)
Wisdom: 18 (+4)
Charisma: 10 (+0)


Combat: 6 + 10= 16PP
Initiative: +1
Attack: +3  (Telekinesis +8)
Defense: +8 (+5 BDB, +3 Dodge Focus) +2 flat footed

Grapple: +4, +16 (Telekinesis)
Knockback: -1/-4 w/ Forefield 


Saving Throws:  5 + 6 + 4  = 15PP
Toughness: +1 / +8 w/Forcefield
Fortitude: +6 (5 +1 Con)
Reflex: +7 (6 + 1 Dex) 
Will: +8 (4+4 Wis), +13 w/ Mental Shield


Skills: 0R = 9PP 

Concentration 4 (+8)

Investigate 8 (+12)

Notice 8 (+8)

Search 4 (+8) 

Stealth 4 (+5)

Sense Motive 8 (+12)

 

Feats: 32P
Dodge Focus 3

Improved Tools 1
Second Chance (Concentration)
Sidekick 25
Trance
Ultimate Save (Will)

 

Equipment: 0PP = 0EP 

Powers: 2 + 5 + 7+ 34 + 8 = 56PP
 

Mind Shield 5 [5 PP]
 

Forcefield 7 [7 PP]
 

Psychic Powers Array 16 (32 PP Array; Feats: Alternate Power 2) [34 PP]

BP: Mental Blast 8 (Extras: Alternate Save [Will], Range [Perception]) {32/32}

AP: Telepathy 8 (Feats: Subtle) {17/32}

AP: Telekinesis 8 (STR 40 [Hvy Load: 3 tons]; Extra: Damaging; Feats: Accurate 2; Affects Insubstantial 2; Precise; Attack Focus: Range) {30/32}

Comprehend 1 (Speak 1 Language/Understand All) [2 PP]

 

Flight 4 [8 PP]

Drawbacks: (-0) + (-0) = -0PP

DC Block

 

Name	Range	Save	Effect	Attack bonus/Other
Unarmed	Touch	DC16 TOU (staged)	Damage	+3
Mental Blast	Perception	DC23 WILL (staged)	Damage	Perception
Telepathy	Perception	DC23 WILL	Mind Reading	Perception
Telekinesis	80 ft	DC23 TOU (staged)	Damage/Move Object	+8, Affects Insubstantial, Precise

 

 

Totals: Abilities (22) + Combat (16) + Saving Throws (15) + Skills (9) + Feats (32) + Powers (56) - Drawbacks (0) = 150/150 Power Points

Edited February 5 by Dracostern

[Thevshi]

A very good start (please do not feel discouraged by the length of the comments, very natural when new to the system)

 

First off, some minor stuff regarding the fluff/backstory.

 

For the twins' residence, should probably just change to Claremont Academy (it is a boarding school where students live in the dorms, as will be explained more below, they would likely have been provided a scholarship to attend (lots of sources for that) and required to move into the dorms).

Similarly, might as well included Claremont Academy as an affiliation. 

 

So for the backstory, it is all fine. Just one point regarding Claremont Academy, if you want them to have gotten on the school's radar as written, that is fine, but as indicated above, they would be provide scholarships and moved onto campus. One thing to consider about their criminal past and keeping that secret, the current Headmistress of the school is the retired Raven II (basically, she was the setting's Batman for decades until she retired, taking the mantle from her father, who was the first Headmaster at Claremont). So, it is very likely Headmistress Summers would become very much aware of the twins' background. However, they would not be the first reforming super criminals to be at the school, so she would be more than willing to not hold that against them. If they want to keep it from the fellow students that is their choice.

 

Okay, now the crunch:

Combat: Looks fine, but you appear to be spending 6 PP on +3 to attack with Telekinesis, that is not how you would buy that. You bought the +4 BAB correctly, but to add +3 for the TK attack, you likely want a Feat: Attack Focus: Ranged 3 ranks, which will only cost you 3 PP and would be listed under feats. (you would list +7 Telekinesis in the attack line like you have it here though).

For your Defense, you want to list it: Defense: +6 (+3 BDB, +3 Dodge Focus) +2 flat footed  (it would be lower than you have). You are going to want to increase this, you need at least a +8 defense (unless you are going to make your toughness higher than +8, which would be what we call a tradeoff)

 

Saves: Overall is good, I would list in parenthesis how the final save is calculated, Like Fortitude:  +3 (2 +1 Con). For Will, you would want to add in the Mental Sheild for it, something like Will +6 (2 +4 WIs), +11 w/ Mental Shield

There are a couple problems here, first, Toughness, you cannot buy it like the other saves (the 2PP you spent to raise it to +3). One option to increase it (like I did with Synapse) would be the Forcefield power (a telekinetic forcefield most likely, like Synapse). It would be listed under powers and costs 1 PP per +1. You would list the total Toughness here.

The other issue, other than Will, the Fort and Reflex saves are a bit low, you probably want to get them to +5 or +6 if you can. You certainly need to get your Toughness much higher (if you get your defense up to +8 as discussed above, you will want Toughness at +8 as well).

 

 Skills: these are all fine, you should include the stat bonus for each, like: Concentration +8 (4 ranks +4 Wis)

 

Feats: Fine (though dodge focus should be 3 ranks you listed in defense above, but likely more as discussed above).

Sidekick 10 is only going to give you 50PP for the other twin, not anywhere near enough. To make him PL 8 as well, you want at least 24 points here (but you have some to spare).

 

Powers: This can be much more efficient (and is also falling short of PL caps, which you need to hit to be a PL 8 )

 

Here is what I would do:

Comprehend 1 and Mind Shield 5 are fine listed on their own. (together these only cost 7 PP, 2 for Comprehend, 5 for Mind Sheild). The should be listed as such:

 

Comprehend 1 (Speak 1 Language/Understand All) [2 PP]

 

Mind Shield 5 [5 PP]

 

As I mentioned above, you will want to get a Forcefield to boost your Toughness. If your Con stays at 12, you will need at least 7 ranks:

Forcefield 7 [7 PP]

 

Mind Reading and Telepathy are redundant (Telepathy includes Mind Reading)

Also, Telepathy, Mind Blast and Telekinesis are not really things you will ever use together, so it is better to structure them into what is called an array (like I have with Synapse). This is a way to save points on them, and you have to switch between the alternate slots in an array to use a new power (something that can be done as a free action once per round). I would set is up something like this:

 

Psychic Powers Array 18 (36 PP Array; Feats: Alternate Power 2) [38 PP]

BP: Mental Blast 8 {36/36}

AP: Telepathy 8 {16/36}

AP: Telekinesis 8 (STR 40 [Hvy Load: 3 tons]; Extra: Targeted Area (Burst); Selective) {36/36}

 

That array costs 38 PP totally. The Telepathy has a lot of unused points in it, so we could get some extras or other things to spend some of that, or add some other powers (you could put the comprehend in there, making it connected with using telepathy to spend a few points and save them outside the array.

 

[Thevshi]

Much better. I see a few places where you are still spending points that you don't need to, so here is how to correct:

 

Combat: Not sure how you are spending all the points you list, I see 6 PP on +3 BAB and 10 PP on +5 BDB, so you are only spending 16 PP here, not 22. So this is 6PP saved that you were over budget. I also have an idea for the Telekinesis to save you more points (discussed more below):

 

Combat: 6 + 10= 16PP
Initiative: +1
Attack: +3 (Telekinesis +8)
Defense: +8 (+5 BDB, +3 Dodge Focus) +2 flat footed

Grapple: +4
Knockback: -1/-4 w/ Forcefield

 

Saves: Again, still seems like you are spending 2PP on Toughness, which you cannot do. Also, don't need to spend so much on Will, given your Mind Shield, here is what I would do (this saves you another 2 PP

 

Saving Throws: 6 + 6 + 2 = 14PP
Toughness: +1 / +8 w/Forcefield
Fortitude: +7 (6 +1 Con)
Reflex: +7 (6 + 1 Dex) 
Will: +6 (2+4 Wis), +11 w/ Mental Shield

 

Skills: As Ari mentioned in chat, just need to clean up formatting.

 

Feats: Looks fine, though would be helpful if you were to put them alphabetically. Also, I would drop the Attack Focus: Range (going to change things around some for Telekinesis and take care of the attack bonus for it in the power). This saves another 3 PP:

 

Powers: I just realized I overpriced your array, this will save you 4PP! 

Here is what it should be and how I would make some other changes:

 

 

Psychic Powers Array 16 (32 PP Array; Feats: Alternate Power 2) [34 PP]

BP: Mental Blast 8 {32/32}

AP: Telepathy 8 (Feats: Subtle) {17/32}

AP: Telekinesis 8 (STR 40 [Hvy Load: 3 tons]; Extra: Damaging; Feats: Accurate 2; Affects Insubstantial 2; Precise; Attack Focus: Range) {30/32}

 

So, based on the above, you will actually have 6 PP to spend on some other things. You could get Flight 3 for a TK flight with that.