alderwitch Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 Alex smiled and shook her head, looking a little sad and distant for a moment before she lifted her eyes to Erin, "Don't worry about it. Really. Yeah, its horrific. But its your nightmare, not mine." For a moment, Alex paused and Erin was able to see the usually verbose girl struggle to find the words before she finally started speaking again, "I can feel your pain, experience your memories but, its through you. I mean. I feel your hurt but it doesn't hurt independent of that and its not anything you can protect me from. I've relived Mike's nightmare of the boy he... hurt, prolly a thousand times now through our psychic link. There's a host of strangers whose pain I've accidentally evesdropped on and, honest, it all hurts the same. I don't mind at all. Especially, cuz sometimes I can buffer people from their own worries for a little bit and it costs me nothing in the end but a little empathy and a sleepless night or two."
Electra Posted June 22, 2009 Author Posted June 22, 2009 The room was quiet for a moment as Erin stared into the water glass. "If you think you can handle it," she finally said, "I won't say you're wrong. You must have a strong mind, just to get by with the powers you have. I wish I could be so sure for myself. I hate when they come down like that, and it's like being there all over again, but even worse. It's the damn tests I had to do today, they made me fight a bunch of simulated bad guys, and brought it all right back up to the top again. I couldn't beat the last one, could barely touch her, and it made me feel so helpless. Like I couldn't fight or run away, or anything." It was far easier to talk about that part than about the rest of the dream. She snorted. "Mr. Archer didn't even let me finish the test. I probably won't see any results from it except a whole new round of talking with Dr. Marquez."
alderwitch Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 "I have to be able to handle it. I wanna be able to use my powers to find lost kids and help people that have trauma they struggle with. It means looking into the worst of humanity a lot of the time. I have to find a way to let things touch me without destroying me." Alex gave an uncomfortable little shrug at the uncharactaristically melodramaric statement. Her smile flashed again and she gave a nervous chuckle at her own dreams before turning her attention to Erin's story. "Nightmares are your brain's way of trying to deal with things your waking mind is avoiding. You've had a lot of trauma at a critical developmental stage. Having bad dreams is totally normal. What I said in there is true, though. You control your own mind. You can change the dreams. I can show you if you want."
Electra Posted June 22, 2009 Author Posted June 22, 2009 Erin hesitated a minute, then shook her head. "No, no I don't want to get rid of them. I wouldn't think about any of it if I didn't have to, and it would be wrong to forget them. Everyone I ever knew died miserably, and here I am, doing just fine. The least I can do is live through a few bad dreams on their behalf." She shrugged. "It's like... it's like prayers for the dead, you know? I don't believe in God, but it still seems important to not just let them go."
alderwitch Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 "Oh, no! I didn't mean erasing your memories or anything like that. I mean, we could but that'd be wrong to do. I meant there are techniques you can use to control your dreams so they don't become nightmares. Like, when you're having a bad dream, you stop yourself from feeding into it. Like, instead of fighting the zombie king, you walk away. Or think about him melting." Alex's face scrunched comicaly for a moment, her hands gesturing animatedly before she smiled gently. "You should always remember Megan an' your family but you should try to remember their lives, if you can, not so much the death. I dunno about God an' all that, but I think that the only real memorial for anyone are the memories they leave behind and under all the bad ones, there are a bunch of good ones lurking. Someday those'll come to you easier. Honest." Alex stood up and collected the now empty water glass, going back to her desk to replace it.
Electra Posted June 22, 2009 Author Posted June 22, 2009 "The 'zombie king,' that was different," Erin said, laying back down on her bunk instead of remaining scrunched to avoid bumping her head. "It wasn't real, my mind just made it up. When I went to the doom room, I had to fight a villain who could throw lightening and fly, and who was faster than I was. It upset me, so she showed up in my dream, but as a zombie instead. I fought zombie metas, but it wasn't like that. They were strong, but they still didn't have minds, couldn't fight properly." Her voice was soft, almost meditative. She didn't normally talk about any of this, but in the quiet dark, when Alex had already seen so much, it seemed easier. "Lots of times when something gets me worked up, it'll sneak into the dreams. But that all goes away. It's the memories that don't change, and I can't just wish that they would end differently. And they aren't always nightmares. Sometimes it's just memories. That one tonight is one of the worst. Second worst, I guess. But I can't give it up. Thanks, though." She looked over at Alex, only her eyes really visible in the darkness. "If I was going to have someone riding along, I'm glad it was you."
alderwitch Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 Alex's smile lit up her whole face. She really wasn't beautiful but when Alex smiled, she did it with such enthusiastic, almost child-like joy, that it was hard not to smile back in repsonse. "I'm glad I could be there for you. I'm really glad you're my roommate, Erin. Mostly, I'm glad you're my friend." The redhead pushed herself up to her feet slowly, stretching as she did so, before she paused to brush off her pajama bottoms. Her hair had started to sneak free of her braids and her cheeks still had that reddened and chapped look. "And, honest, I'll let you know if I ever am struggling. I'll lengthen my evening meditations to try and keep from slipping over in the future. I don't project like that in my sleep often but let me know if you ever notice me leaking emotions or anything and I'll see if one of the professors can help me with my sheilding if that happens."
Electra Posted June 23, 2009 Author Posted June 23, 2009 "I'll keep an eye out," Erin replied. Surprisingly, she was feeling better than she usually did after one of her nightmares, almost enough to try getting a little more sleep herself. "You seem pretty good at it, though. But if I ever start feeling... I dunno, something that doesn't feel like it belongs to me, I'll speak up." She waited until Alex had climbed back into her own bunk to add, "And I'm glad your my friend, too."
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