Schoolyard Brawl

[alderwitch]

Alex lifted her chin as Erin included her in the verbal lash out and focused on not losing her calm. Clearly she was the level head here and it wouldn't do any good to lose her temper along with everyone else.

"You don't have to explain anything. You're hurting my feelings with the words you're currently using but I'll still be your friend at the end of the day. Because that's the way it works. Part of that friendship is trying to explain things and find out where the other person is coming from." Alex floated back down to the ground as Mike turned around, tucking her hands in her pockets as she waited for them to work this out or start hitting each other. Emotionally, Alex felt drained but she was able to hold onto her exterior calm. After this, she'd spend some time away from people for a bit to refocus. "You can walk away, if you want, but I think in the end you'll both regret not at least trying to see each other's side of things. Isn't it better if you have this arguement here rather than when there's a fight going on?"

[Electra]

"If it hurts your feelings, then stay out of it," Erin suggested to Alex, voice snapping. "This isn't about you."

Most of her attention was still on Mike. "You think I don't know what it's like to live with the dead pushing at you?" she demanded. "I've killed more people than you've probably ever met. And maybe it was a mercy to put them out of what passed for their lives, but it turned me into something I didn't used to be. I look at who I would've been, and she's a total stranger. You can call me a murderer or a monster and maybe you're right, but don't tell me I don't understand what you do about killing. This isn't playtime, and it isn't safe for anyone. If I'm in a fight and someone gets hurt or killed because I didn't act, that's on me just as much as if I'd killed them with my own hands. And it's the same for you."

[angrydurf]

Mike grimaced and looked pained at Erins barbs. He did want to help her but she wasn't even willing to admit it was a problem, this was doing nothing but hurting feelings and fraying tempers, his as much as any other. He wanted to just yell at her in kind but deep down knew that would do no good.

He forced himself to remain calm and tried once more to get his point across, "Erin I don't claim to know what you have or haven't gone through. I do know you haven't gone through what I have." His voice was begining to tremble a bit and he paused to steady himself then continued, "But you don't know what I've been through and its just as insulting to pretend you do."

Mike threw his hands up in exasperation, "If you don't want to have control you won't, its that simple. You can train and go to see some head shrinker as much as they make you but it comes down to you and your choice."

[alderwitch]

Alex sighed softly, tucking her hands deeper into her pockets. She could point out that Erin had brought her down here in the first place to step in the middle of a fight but Alex doubted it would do any good, so she gave Erin a shrug, "I never said it was about me."

She glanced back at Mike and bit back a second sigh as she pointed out to him, "She is right, on needing to know what you can do so that you don't hesitate at a crucial moment."

[Electra]

"I'm not going to stand here and argue about who has a sadder sad story," Erin snapped at Mike. "That's pathetic, and it's stupid. I've made my choices, and you've made yours. But just because you've decided you'd rather be afraid of your power than learn to use it, that doesn't make you any better than me. It just makes you more afraid. Exit." The door slid open and she stalked out, her footsteps echoing against the bare white walls as she stepped into the long corridor.

[angrydurf]

Mike considered trying to stop Erin but really he was unliely to be able to and it certainly wouldn't help to force her to listen to anything he had to say. Instead he just kind of sadly watched her storm out.

He glanced over to Alex questioningly, "Well that could have gone better."

[alderwitch]

Alex paused to hug him and tell him comfortingly, "Everything worth doing takes time. I'll go check on her."

Then she handed him her books, knowing he'd drop them off and she sprinted down the hallway after her roommate. She caught up at the elevator, and stopped next to Erin without saying anything. Alex not only knew the value of letting other people speak first, she was too busy trying to catch her breath from running. She even had a stitch in her side. She really was going to have to start hitting the gym with all this activity.

[Electra]

Erin didn't seem interested in starting a conversation, or in really acknowledging Alex's presence. She spared the other girl half a glance, then returned her glare to the elevator buttons, waiting for the machine to make its way down to the basement. Erin's cheeks were very pink after the confrontation in the other room, but she didn't seem at all winded.

[alderwitch]

Alex's breathing rasped until she finally caught it, when she tucked her hands into her pockets. With a shake of her head, she let the past conversation go and asked curiously, "Are you going to go talk to James about borrowing his car now?"

She was still a little winded as she'd ran full out down the long hallway but she didn't look upset. Alex had her usual calm on, and she was working to settle her own emotions as she waited for the elevator to show up. She'd work through any lingering frustrations on her own, likely via meditiation and she was well aware that Erin might lash out at her again, but she'd rather provide whatever target her friend needed so that things could return to normal.

[Electra]

"No, I'm going back to the room," Erin said flatly. "I have two more hours of history to do today, and I'm way behind. That was pretty worthless as far as exercise went, so I have a lot of making up to do before the end of the night. I'll ask James about the car later, when I actually have a permit in hand." She was obviously clamping down on her emotions as well, though not as successfully as Alex. Erin didn't seem like the sort who actually worked through her emotions with meditation, so much as stamping them down into smaller and smaller spaces. "If you want the room, I can go work in the library."

[alderwitch]

"I don't need the room to myself unless you don't want me to be there," Alex said with a shrug, "I'm not upset, or anything. If you need it to yourself, I'll find something else to do. It's not a big deal."

She slipped her hands back in her pockets, blowing out a quick breath to get her bangs out of her face. "Do you want some help with your history?"

[Electra]

"No thanks," Erin told her, stepping into the elevator when it finally arrived, then turning to face the front. "I'll be fine on my own. I'm sure Mike could use some more consoling." She kept her voice flat, but couldn't hide the flash of irritation in her eyes. "You can still catch him, there's only one way out of here and I'm sure he's not staying to train."

[alderwitch]

"Mike'll be fine," Alex said with a shrug and followed her into the elevator, "I thought I'd come see how you were since you seemed ticked at me."

She leaned against one wall, hand still tucked in her pockets and her face tilted up at Erin expectantly, "So I thought I'd give you the chance to yell at me."

[Electra]

"I'm not going to yell at you," Erin replied, still not really looking in Alex's direction. "What would be the point?" She sounded tired all of a sudden, with the irritation leaking away. "I know you're his friend first, I know you think he's not emotionally mature enough to be treated as an adult. If you want to take his side and believe that I decided to break that guy's ribs because I'm that kind of person deep down, you can believe that. But you're both still wrong."

[alderwitch]

"I'm not on anyone's side. I would hope you'd know that by now!" Alex said earnestly, her hands coming up to gesture, "I love Mike. He's my best friend. That doesn't make him right all the time. Or even most of the time. He needs to say those things to you, just as you needed to say that you think he's being a coward. I don't agree with either of you but I don't think you'll be able to see each other's side if you don't hash it out. If you want to know what my opionion of you is, you just have to ask me."

Alex lifted her hands out palm up, "You're both my friends. I love you both. I don't automatically take anyone's side. You asked me to come and keep things from exploding and I did that to the best of my ability and the best of my judgement. I'm not infallible. I mean, I wash I was, but I'm just human too. I'm sorry if you got that impression out of everything, but I don't think you're some horrible person that wants to hurt people."

[Electra]

"So I'm supposed to be able to see the point when he says that the reason I'm spending a hundred hours a week retraining my body and mind is because I'm too damn stubborn to just say "Actually, I'd rather not hit people too hard anymore?" Erin retorted sourly. "That's not a side, that's just stupid."

She drummed her fingers against the railing of the elevator as it rose, making a noise like a drumroll. "He thinks he knows what it's like to have control because he's got no instincts, no reflexes. He's been entirely safe every minute of his entire life, except for maybe twenty minutes in that baseball stadium. He didn't have to develop the instincts to let you survive when you can't see the daylight for all the bodies piling on you, or when you can't breathe because your mouth is full of blood." She kept her voice clipped and fast, the emotions writhing just underneath the words. "It's easy for him to say it's a choice, and he says it because it excuses him making the choice to run away. Maybe I shouldn't have called him a coward, but he's no more ready than I am to be a hero. And if you're not taking a side on that, you're just siding with the person who's wrong."

[alderwitch]

"There's more than two sides to this, Erin. You're not asking me for what my opionion is. You're telling me what you want it to be." Alex said it gently, "I don't thing anyone's ever ready to be a hero. You both have been heroes at different times in your life. If you want to talk about what I think of both of you, I'm happy to do so but I think you'd rather I listen to your feelings than talk about mine. Which is okay. I'm happy to do that."

"What I think the point is, is that you're very good at dealing with a life or death situation. You've been a soldier in a fight for a big part of your life, but you have options here that you're not used to having. You have choices that weren't choices before. Running away IS an option. It wasn't for you, and I think you're probably mad that it was for him." Alex said thoughtfully, "I mean, I know its hard not to resent that everyone has easier lives than yours, but it doesn't mean that we haven't had bad things happen at some point too. Not on the same scale, but, I mean not all of us have had Mark's existance either. Its okay, you know, to be mad at me or Mike for having things easier."

[Electra]

Erin stalked out of the elevator as soon as the doors opened, heading for the stairs to the dorm. "Look, she said, not breaking her long stride, "I don't want to make a big deal about where I come or how hard it was because I don't think it's anything to be proud of. But no matter what kind of troubles you had or what kind of fights you got into on the playground, you really have no idea of what things are like for me or how I feel, even if you are psychic. And you don't need to give me the psychologist crap either. I already get that fifteen hours a week and that's way more than enough." She reached the bottom of the stairs and started up them three at a time.

[alderwitch]

"Oh, I don't?" Alex said, following, her tone at least somewhat irritated now before she smoothed it back into her usual voice, "Why don't you ask me then? Ask me why I talk like a psychologist? Why don't you ask me what it was like being unable to keep my thoughts in my own head? Why don't you ask me why I can share your nightmares and not wake up screaming?"

If Erin wanted irritated sixteen year old girl, that's what she now had talking to her. Albiet, still in a calm steady voice, "If you want to talk about me, lets talk about the time I got sucked into nice Mr. Gibbins head down the streat as he beat his wife senseless. I was six. Let's talk about the nightmares of the neighbor three blocks down who had flash back to his families death during the Terminus invasion. Let's talk about the first time I had to rip my mind away from someone as they died in a twisted metal car accident. It was Lucy Pickens. She was twenty-three. Her three year old son watched. That was all before I was ten years old. I have perfect recall. I remember everything."

Alex stopped walking, her voice tremoring before she smoothed it out, "You want to talk about therapists. I've had ten years of therapy. Every day. That's who my teachers were in the government program I was in. Day in and day out talking about everything I could see or hear or think. So, no, while I can understand where you're coming from, I can't feel the exact emotions unless I'm in them at the moment but have you even thought about what my life has been like. Have you even tried?"

[Electra]

Erin turned in the stairwell to let Alex talk, looking down at her from a few steps up. "Look, I'm sorry, okay?" she said, half sincere, half exasperated. "I really am sorry that bad things happen to you. I'm sorry you got into my head, and other people's heads, and saw what you didn't want to see. It sucks and it's not fair. Nobody should have to live like that. And we could still argue over whose life is worse, and maybe I think I have a pretty damn good argument when you still have your family and your entire reality at the end of each session, but that's not even the point, is it?" she pressed.

"Nobody out there really cares at the end of the day what heroes' lives are like," Erin continued, still gripping the railing, but careful not to break it. "They want to know if we're going to save them. That's why we're here, isn't it? Isn't that why you put up with living in the dorm and having to shut us all out all day and night, isn't that why I'm killing myself with more work and school than I've done in my entire life? When it comes down to it, I want to be able to say that I saved the people, not that I stepped back because it was too hard and scary."

[alderwitch]

Alex regained control over herself but not without some effort. There was the faintest sparkle of tears in her eyes when she looked down, but she'd recovered despite the slightly hoarse quality to her voice when she spoke again, "No, in that you're completely right. Most people are never going to look for anything past the capes and the uniform. They'll go back to their own lives and we'll all have one more bad dream. One more memory that haunts us. No one will thank us when we're half a second too late, and only we will have to live with that. I like to think thats what really makes us heroes. Not the saving people, but the price we pay out of ourselves to do it."

She closed the distance, not touching Erin but closing the gap, her voice sad and a little weary, "Its why we have to care about each other. Because at the end of the day, that's all we have. We're the only people that can come close to understanding each other, and why we each do this. That's all my point was. We won't like each other's opinions. Or even agree. But we have to care, because in the end there's no one else that will."

[Electra]

Erin was quiet for a moment, actually thoughtful this time. "Maybe you're right about that," she admitted softly, staring down at her own hands on the railing. "When it comes right down to the line, we're all we've got. I probably shouldn't have gone off on him like that, but he made me so mad. Makes me so mad," she admitted. "Partly because he's wrong about me, but also because it's so wasteful. He wastes so much time being afraid of himself and feeling bad. And it's because of this thing that happened when he was almost a baby. It's been what, two thirds of a lifetime? He could be so much happier, and so much better at what he does." She squeezed the railing, then released it. "And maybe I can't help but wonder, if he judges himself so harshly for something he couldn't possibly have stopped or controlled, would he ever forgive anyone else for any mistake?"

Shaking her head, she turned and went up the stairs. "It doesn't really matter. At least we can tell Summers we went a few rounds, but it didn't work out very well. We're probably both better off with other opponents."

[alderwitch]

"I can tell you for a fact that Mike holds no one else to the standards that he holds himself to. He's terrified you'll end up eaten alive with the guilt he has which is what's motivating him. It isn't that he thinks you're a bad person cuz he really wouldn't talk to you about it at all if he did. Once he gets past his own baggage, he's going to have a lot of empathy but right now he's a dumb boy that says dumb boy things, but you should know that it's motivated out of friendship. He can't think of anything worse than his experience and doesn't want it for anyone. Mike has trouble getting out of his own head on things," One of Alex's shoulders kicked up. "If someone else made a mistake, he'd be the first person there to try and help them live through it. He might not be very good at it, but he'd try."

"Someday he's gonna have to stop running and when he does, he'll be a vastly different person, but I agree with you on the other opponents for a bit."

[Electra]

"I have enough things to feel guilty about without feeling guilty about what I killed in the past," Erin muttered. "Let alone spending all my time beating myself up over it. Maybe in ten years, he'll have gotten over it, I guess. For now I think you really are better off going out with someone like Mark. Get yourself out of the swamp for awhile, spend time with someone who really seems to be pretty happy." The corners of her lips tipped up a little. "God knows we don't see too much of that in our little corner of the school here."

Erin pulled away from the railing and stretched. "I'll do the history later," she decided suddenly. "I've got too much energy to concentrate, anyways. I think I'm gonna go for a run. I'll catch up with you tonight."

[alderwitch]

"Okay, I think I'm going to curl up with a book for a bit. Let my big ol' brain shut off. If you need help with history later, lemme know. I can give you the cliff notes version, just this once." Alex gave her a little grin as she headed into the doorm room. Cliff notes version likely being a rapid download of the history chapters from the total recall psychic. "Feel better, Erin."