A Clearer View (IC)

[Electra]

Erin looked a little startled to see him arrive, but recovered immediately. "Fine up here," she told him, gesturing to the cage with the sleeping tigers. "I don't think they managed to actually hurt each other, so they should be okay when they wake up. And the lights are starting to come back up, so I think things are going to be okay. How are things down with the engine room? We going to have to write away to Star Trek for an engineer?" she asked with a grin.

[Cyroa]

"Excellent," he said with a smile. It had never been in doubt. If Wander couldn't handle a pair a tigers with easy, those were some damn freaky tigers. "Star Trek? Like they go anything on this ship! 'Sides, 'Septh can handle this better than any cranky Scotsman," he said with a laugh. "Everything should be up and running pretty soon, no worries." He gestured and started walking to the exit, planning on heading towards the lounge or observatory or something. "Come on, we've got some time."

[Electra]

Erin fell in with him as he walked, while Persephone stayed behind to do whatever it was she planned to do to fix the ship. "Well, it didn't sound like whatever it was was very bad," Erin observed, "so I guess we shouldn't have to worry much. So what have you been up to since graduation?" It wasn't as though she wanted to hear the gory details or anything, but talking to Persephone about James' busy social calender had gotten her curiosity up. She wasn't jealous or anything, obviously, of course. What would she have to be jealous about? She just wanted to know what was going on.

[Cyroa]

James didn't really have a particular destination in mind. Maybe the bridge or one of the lounges with the great views. Mainly he just needed to move around a little. He gave a little shrug. What was he going to say? 'Since I had crazy, drunk sex with a friend, who happens to be the child of two other friends, AND who happened to have been the girlfriend of one of my best friends all because I got weak one night due to realizing I might be in love with you and wasn't likely to be with you and ended up feeling sorry for myself? Not much. You?' "Not too much at all. Well, I've been busy but not much is new. Oh, I met that Lady Winter a few weeks back. She happened to be on hand while I was fighting off this minor incursion. Helped me out of a little pickle there. The whole guardian thing has eased up nicely though. I'm not swamped anymore. But still keeping busy. I've been working on something else too," he said with a shrug.

"I haven't been out and social much at all really. I think I've had like 3 dates in the last three months. And only went to a few parties beyond that too. Just...while enjoyable, it's not quite the same anymore. I'm not the same guy I used to be. Other things seem a bit more important. Part of that whole 'growing up and finding oneself' thing I suppose," he said with a half-grin as they walked into on of the lounges. He wanted to ask her about her own activities, though he already knew some, but mainly he need to tell her the truth. "But that does bring up something that I wanted to tell you. I seriously debated saying anything at all but I've always tried to be honest with you guys, especially you." He sighed, looking out the window at Earth. "I haven't gotten to hang out with you much at all over the last few months. And while it was necessary, I still missed it and you. Quite a bit. It took me a bit to realize how much." He turned back to meet Erin's eyes. "I figured out that my feelings for you were quite a bit deeper than I realized. And they are more than caring for you as just a friend. A lot more." There it was out there. "I know you're with Trevor and I don't want to get in the way of that. I just...I needed to tell you, instead of trying to hide it. No matter what else I am, and always will be, your friend. That comes first." That last part stung like hell, but he didn't want to loose her friendship no matter what happened.

[Electra]

Erin was silent for a long time, studying James' face as the moment stretched out and got more and more uncomfortable. She couldn't deny, at least to herself, that she'd thought about what it would be like to have him say that to her. But it was pretty much in the same way she thought about other things that were never really going to happen. It just didn't make any sense. She wasn't pretty, and she often wasn't very nice, and James of all people knew how screwed up she was in the head. Why this, why now? Suddenly, what Persephone said about Hell-ion in the other universe came back to her. "That's... I don't know what to say," she admitted. "When did you figure all this out?"

[Cyroa]

Well, at least she isn't heading for the transporter at Mach 10. That's something. He waited, unmoving as she processed what he'd said... for a bit longer than expected. He gave a little shrug with one shoulder. "Pretty recently. I've been doing a lot more introspection and 'soul searching' lately. I was so busy, not seeing anyone, being pretty run down... it was all I had time to do I guess. Even then, it took a while for me to truly figure it out. To realize what I'd been missing." James didn't include the specifics of 'when'. That really wouldn't help matters any. He looked at her, watching her face, her eyes. "And I don't honestly expect you to say anything. I needed to tell you how I felt. Would I like something to happen between us? Yes. I would. But...I'm not going to push it though because..." He sighed. The next few words were hard. Almost painful even. "You're seeing Trevor. And you're happier and more relaxed than you've ever been, than I've ever seen you, for as long as I've known you. He's a great guy. Solid, dependable and pretty cool. I don't want to ruin that for you. So, after this, today, I won't mention it again until you do. Because in the end, no matter what else, I just want you to be happy. To keep you as my friend. Even if part of me would like more," he said.

[Electra]

"James..." Erin started, then hesitated, started again. She put a hand on the side of his upper arm. "Persephone was telling me about the things that she remembers from her world. She says that in her world, Hell-Ion was in love with the Wander there, even though she was bad for him. I know that when we went there, you absorbed the memories of your double there. He is you, in some ways. You're my best friend, next to Alex, but I'm really not the kind of girl you've ever gone for. I think you might be thinking of me the way Hell-Ion thought of his Wander, and it's getting confused in your head. I mean, when you think about the timing..."

[Cyroa]

James gave a wry chuckle, shaking his head a little bit. "Sorry Erin. It isn't that easy; it's not like that at all. I know what the timing looks like. It doesn't affect how I feel. I remember very little from that timeline. There's not much left from Hell-Ion in me. I've watched tons of videos and listened to tons of logs though so I know quite a bit about it. But it isn't me at all. And for the record, the other you from there? I thought she was annoying as all heck. I couldn't stand her," he said honestly, if somewhat amused. "I'm not Hell-Ion. And you're not that Wander, for which I am very thankful." He shook his head and shrugged. "My past is...colorful. Who I dated and slept with didn't exactly have anything in common with true feelings. Quite the opposite really. Could I still keep up with that lifestyle and those actions? Probably. But that's not all I am anymore. That isn't what I really want anymore," he said a little quieter.

[Electra]

Erin studied him, not totally sure she understood what he was saying, not entirely certain she should believe him. Not that he would lie to her intentionally. Half-demon or not, she trusted James to tell her the truth. But she wasn't sure James knew himself what he wanted. He had, after all, recently gotten into a lot of trouble for his hooking-up ways. Which, she had to admit if she was truthful to herself, was something that was bothering her too. She pursed her lips, watched him a minute, then asked, "When you decided this, was it before or after Zoe?"

[Cyroa]

And there it was, the last spike (way beyond puny nails here) in coffin for this story. Lying would be so tempting right about now. And a certainty if it had been anyone else but one of his friends. He frowned a little, feeling conflicted and not exactly happy about what had happened. He stared back a second before speaking. "It was before." He could have left it there, not explained it any more than necessary but he'd come this far.

"You really want to hear this? Ok, well what Zoe said was true. We were both having a horrifically bad day. Between being lonely as hell, swamped and stressed and run ragged, I wasn't exactly in the best frame of mind. I'd taken the day off. But instead of going out like I would have before the last few months, I stayed in. I'd brought in a couple cases of some rather potent spirits, shut the door, turned the phone off and was determined to drink it all and see if I could even be affected by it. Zoe...hadn't listened to me and she got caught by Summers and got hammered by him pretty hard, not that she was doing great in general anyway. She showed up and joined in. She was hurting and not in the mood to talk or be helped. We watched some movies, I think. Got really fuzzy at some point, not sure exactly when. My next clear thoughts were the next morning." He frowned a little more, shaking his head a bit before continuing. "Which is about when I pulled my head out of my ass and got back to living, despite possibly wrecking everything up with one colossal screw up."

[Electra]

There was another long, quiet moment. Erin turned to look at the Earth turning serenely below them, uncaring of their bizarre personal dramas. She wanted to ask why he hadn't come to his friends when he felt bad, but realized she knew the answer already. This was the same guy who'd gone to throw himself literally into hell rather than tell his friends about his family problems. James' good intentions led him to make bad decisions. She wasn't sure that wasn't besides the point, anyway.

"I don't really know what to say," she told him. "I... I care for you, a lot. But you know how things are with me. I don't think I'm ready to be, you know, anybody's girlfriend. My head's too messed up. You're as close as I've been able to let anybody, and even then you had to catch me when I was falling apart for me to tell you anything." She signed. "And Trevor and I... I don't know what's going to happen there, but I really like him. I don't know what to do."

[Cyroa]

James nodded in understanding as he watched her. It still wrenched at his guts, even knowing it was coming, as he listened. "You're wound up rather tight, that's certainly true. As I think we've both mentioned in the past, neither of us is that great at certain things; opening up and relying on other being high on the list. I'm glad you trusted me enough to finally tell me, even though there was a really bad day to cause it. Our close friendship is something I value more than almost anything." He gave a little smile, hating the next words. "You're going to keep hanging out with him. Having fun, relaxing and spending time with him. When you're ready for more than that, you'll know and it will just happen. Just relax and live life a little. One day at a time and all that. You'll get there when you get there, right?" he said with a quirky little smile on his face.

[Electra]

Erin smiled back, still fairly confused, but reassured that he was so easygoing about the whole thing. It certainly hadn't been any desperate confession of love, more a... she had no idea what it was. But he seemed to be okay with her uncertainty, and with her going out with Trevor. But if he really felt that way about her, wouldn't her going out with Trevor hurt his feelings, at the very least? She had no idea. She was going to have to talk to Alex about it. She looked over at him. "This isn't going to... I mean, this isn't going to make things different, is it? You'll still come by, we can still hang out and stuff?"

[Cyroa]

James resisted the urge to wince or leave or any one of a dozen things. That had to have been one of the hardest things he's ever had to say, despite its truths. He shook his head and smiled. "Not at all. I'm always up for hanging. We'll have to find a good regular time too. Besides the impromptu stuff. And you've got my number if you need to just hang out, blow off steam, play games or whatever." No matter what else or how he felt, that was never going to change. He grinned suddenly. "Which reminds me. The ship has a pretty cool training room. Solid illusions and all sorts of techie stuff that I don't understand. How does Mario Kart Live sound to you? I've had that a couple others made into full sized versions, just for fun."

[Electra]

Erin ran a hand through her hair, a sure tell that she was nervous or uncomfortable. "I think I should probably get back," she admitted. "I've got a training session this afternoon and... and, well, you've given me a lot to think about. I need a little while to sort of process everything and get my head around it." She tried another smile. "It sounds like a lot of fun, though. Can I have a raincheck?"

[Cyroa]

James nodded, keeping the smile on his face from long practice. In truth, he couldn't complain. He told her and she still wanted to be friends at least. That would be good enough. "I understand. Anytime you want, the invitation is there." He turned and started heading to one of the nearby transporter rooms. He kept quiet for the short walk down there, giving her the space she needed. A few minutes later, the doors swished open to the small room. He walked over to the console and reached over, tapping a few keys before turning leaning against it as he looked at her. "Everything else aside, it was great hanging out with you. Give me a ring when you want to do it again, wherever."

[Electra]

"I will," Erin promised, stepping onto the teleporter spot. Despite all the power difficulties earlier, the teleporter seemed to be in fine working order now, the board lit and green. "And... thanks for telling me," she told him. It didn't exactly make her happy to know, and it sure didn't make her life any easier, but she'd have felt worse not to know and to have found out later, probably after having done a bunch of stupid stuff. "I'll see you later." The transporter activated, and she disappeared with a quick shimmer of light.

[Electra]

As soon as Erin was gone, Persephone appeared, stepping down from her screen on the wall. "I thought that was very well done," she told James. "You were very brave! I mean, it's a shame she already has a boyfriend and it would be wrong to come between them, but you still feel what you feel, right? And now that you've verbalized your feelings and she didn't return them, you don't have to worry about what-ifs and might-have-beens! It was a very healthy thing to do," she decided with a definitive nod of her sparkly blonde head.

[Cyroa]

James nodded, reaching over console without looking away and tapped the activate key. She faded away in a flair of light and energy. "You're welcome," he said softly. He closed his eyes for a moment, focusing himself, before straightening up. There was still a lot to do and time was wasting. He did feel better though. Time would tell how it all played out but he was in a better mood at least than he'd been in a while.

He looked up and smiled wryly at Persephone. "Mmhmm... Glad you approve. Now that she's gone, are you going to tell me you didn't engineer that little power loss bit?"

[Electra]

Persephone looked at him with guileless blue eyes. "I'm not sure I understand what you mean, James. If you're asking if I cut the power as a precautionary measure when the malfunction light went on in the aft engine, then the answer is of course I did. I care about your safety far too much to ever endanger you or allow you to endanger yourself. Even beyond my own personal feelings, I'm programmed to care for your well-being above all else."

[Cyroa]

James pushed off the console with a grin. "Uh huh. That's not a 'no' by the way," he said as he headed out of the room. "You could always just ask or tell me you know if you wanted to do something or had a problem with anything. Regardless of what it is." He wasn't too concerned either way. Still, he wasn't sure which possibility made him more uncomfortable. The fact that she was trying to maneuver around him and not fess up to it or the fact the entire ship could effectively be taken offline due to one tiny blown fuse thingie.

[Electra]

"I'm just glad everything turned out all right," Persephone said with satisfaction, falling in beside him as he walked. "We should have your friends over more often! Maybe you could have a party up here and invite everyone. There's plenty of room, and I could lay in extra supplies with some notice! For the moment, how would you feel about those cookies? I had to put them off with all the trouble earlier, but they're ready to put in the oven."

[Cyroa]

When she brushed right on by, he couldn't help but smile. Yeah, that's that I thought. "Well, let's make sure that kind of thing never happens again, ok?" He raised an eyebrow at her suggestion. "A party, here? Huh, never thought of that. I'll keep it in mind and ask around. Though, we're likely to have a few people up here at least semi-regularly if my idea works out." That was something he needed get working on too.