Avenger Assembled Posted June 25, 2009 Posted June 25, 2009 OK, Warmonger, I should actually be able to give you some commentary here. Ok. This is the new version. I built him on 150pps just in case I lost my earned ones. "----------Character Details--------- Player Name: Warmonger Character Name: Adam Wallace Character Alias: Ronin GM's Name: Age: 34 Height: 6'2"" Weight: 230 Hair: ??? Eyes: ??? Would you mind editing this so that it matches our current template? (i.e., in the same format as other sheets) Also, so what color are his eyes and hair? Power Level: 10 Power Points: 158 Unspent PPs: 2 This also needs edited, now that you're actually built on 150 points and don't have any unspent PP. Appearance: -------------------------------------- Good choice! But again, you do want to get rid of the un-necessary stuff that makes the sheet so hard to read; i.e. all the dashes. ----------Background--------- The son of a Marine Corps Staff Sgt it seemed only natural that Adam would one day enlist himself. Adam enlisted in the army at the age of 17 as soon as he graduated from high school. Adam who already possessed phenomenal physical and mental toughness was a natural fit for military life. Adam quickly became a Ranger, then he joined Delta force. Soon after he would join an elite U.N strike force called Raptor. When he arrived in Ireland to meet his new comrades, he became acquainted with the charismatic Colonel Morrison. The men were put through rigorous tests with many failing out. At the end only half the applicants remained. The men were then told that the next phase would transform them from ordinary soldiers to a new generation of warriors. The men were injected with various mutagenic serums and bombarded with different wavelengths of radiation. They would undergo severe psychological reconditioning, and their trianing would be at the hands of the best instructors in the world.The final phase however, had a high mortality rate and of the 100 that applied only 30 survived. These survivors would form the backbone of Raptor. Hmm, this is considerably more lethal than the UN/Unison generally are in the World of Freedom. OTOH, if Adam is in his mid-30s, he could just have been starting his training during the tail end of the Iron Age, when things were a bit grimmer and grittier. Which would explain how a character who might have been a gritty anti-hero a couple of decades ago is now a bad guy. You might want to emphasis something about how Col. Morrison was a rogue agent from the get-go, either following his own nefarious agenda or the pawn of someone else. Maybe make him an unknowing agent of the Labryinth? (Y'all been DNAscended!) That would explain where they got the tech, and give Ronin a firmer grounding in the setting. It might even give him a good reason to make friends against future attack, if the Labyrinth comes looking to reclaim the guy with so much of their technology wandering around inside of him. The new team was a great success executing various black-ops mission against powerful groups like Shadow. However it became clear as time progressed that the experiments had several unforeseen mental side effects, often generating paranoia schizophrenia and hyper aggression among the candidates. Worse it seemed that Colonel Morrison the group’s leader was the most mentally unstable. When the U.N finally decided to pull the plug the discovered that Morrison had been preparing to break form them anyway. Unison agents stormed the Raptor training compound but were bitterly resisted. Raptor fought off the Unison soldiers but had to flee before reinforcements could arrive. The now master less Raptors were now under the control of Colonel Morrison. Adam was only too happy to get out from underneath the government’s thumb. Believing in Morrison’s vision of a world where soldiers fought for themselves instead of being the tools of a corrupt government, Adam followed the mercenary company to battlefield after battlefield, selling their services and dodging Unison. Things would change, as one of their missions took them back to the United States. Adam discovered that their mission was destruction of a dam, something that would result in untold civilian deaths. Adam argued with Morrison, but when his commander would not relent Adam fought him and the other Titans. In the fight Adam was able to stop the bombs but the last one exploded blowing him into the torrent of water. He washed up a few hours later in a river several miles from where he had been. Afterwards Adam decided that his mistake had been to work for anyone besides himself. He decided he would start again in Freedom City somewhere where no one would know him. He would continue to do what he did best and if he ran across the Raptors again he would finish what he started. Hmm. What's he planning to do for himself in Freedom City; which after all has a heck of a lot of superheroes per square mile? But if he is working to hide out from the Raptors and their Labyrinth masters...well, that might be something to think about. Saves 6pp Toughness: +10 (+4 Con, +3 Body Armor, +3Defensive Roll), (+7 Flatfooted) Fortitude: +4 (Con, +4), Reflex: +10 (+6 Dex, +4) Willpower: +4 (Wis, +4) Make sure you get the format of your fort and will saves to match that of your reflex save. Combat 28pp Attack Bonus: +9 Grapple: +12 Defense Bonus: +10(+5, + Doge Focus) (+3 flat footed) Knockback: -4, -2 without Armor Initiative: +12 Make sure you fix the format of your Defense Bonus, and indicate your various variable Attack bonuses. (If that's something you want to stick with.) Double check the numbers on your skills. LANGUAGES English, Russian, Japanese, Arabic, German, Swahili Alphabetize your feats. What's the descriptor on your Hide in Plain Sight? (i.e.; clouding minds, being a ninja bad-ass, etc.) I would prefer it if you didn't use Accurate for Equipment. That's why we have the Masterwork feature. I like what you've done with your VP configurations; just note that we decided it can't be innate. You've put a lot of work into this, War! But it's looking tremendously better! So you're doing good.
Warmonger Posted June 27, 2009 Author Posted June 27, 2009 Alright made the changes. I didn't notice anything wrong with the skill ranks though.
Dr Archeville Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 Under Equipment, your Swords seem... odd. Can you explain what that construction is supposed to be? You appear to have too many points in the Ninja configuration of your VP.
Warmonger Posted June 29, 2009 Author Posted June 29, 2009 Alright I believe that this meets format regulations now.
Dr Archeville Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 It does indeed. Here's your second (re-)approval.
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