First Character! Yay!

[Gingerbread]

So, I'm definitely going to need some help. This is the first time I've ever done an RP like this. (I'm used to free-form play-by-post RPs). But I'm open to new experiences. And I have read the core rulebook (and plan to consult it a lot). I still gotta figure out how to do this DC block thing (I got distracted by the HellQ, I think), and also, I need to figure out what to do with the remaining three power points. You see, I used AA's Space Biker build to help get me started and everything... But I wasn't sure Intimidate would be appropriate for this character... so... now I gotta figure out what to do with the remaining three power points.

I dunno if I should improve her fighting skills... or add another power or what... Any help would be much appreciated!

Player Name: Gingerbread

Character Name: Hogrider

Power Level: 10 (150/150PP)

Trade-Offs: None

Unspent Power Points: 0

Progress To Bronze Status: 0/30

In Brief: A hog-riding space chick from the galaxy down south seeks to make a name for herself in a world yet untouched by her kind.

Alternate Identity: Lulusciel "Lulu" Visconte

Identity: Public

Birthplace: On the now non-existent planet Hilbi

Occupation: Hog-Racer, amateur wrestler, hero

Affiliations: Not sure.

Family: A LOT of family. The list consists of (Dell "Ma" Visconte, Bobbi "Pa" Visconte, Andrast "Grandpappy" Visconte, Merco "Grandpappy" Jak, Ezenella "Nana" Visconte, Anise "Granny" Jak, Bobbi Visconte Jr. (oldest brother), Blur Visconte (older brother), Louscien "Lou" Visconte (twin brother), Elijahn "Eli" Visconte (younger brother), Bebethiel "Bebe" Visconte (younger sister), four uncles, six aunts, over twenty cousins, a few nieces and nephews, and over a dozen second cousins)

Description:

Age: 25 (DoB: 1987)

Gender: Female

Ethnicity: Alien: Harvoni

Height: 5'7

Weight: 150 lbs

Eyes: Black

Hair: Teal

Lulu is obviously very fit, given how much she enjoys such activities like wrestling. Like others of her race, her skin is a very light-colored purple. Her teal hair is thick and fairly long. Her hair is most often worn in two-braided pigtails. She typically wears a white cowboy hat with a blue band around it, a white jacket, sky blue tank top and shorts, and white boots with an intricate blue design.

Power Descriptions:

Lulu's "Spacehog" is not, in fact, a motorcycle. It is a bull-sized mechanical tusked-boar that has built in "reins" which allows her to drive it. Should she be knocked off her hog or if she dismounts from it, it will automatically "poof" itself to a pocket dimension. Calling for it is a simple matter since it is tuned in to her particular brain wave pattern and "knows" just when it is needed.

Lulu is capable of extending her arms.

History:

Lulu grew up in the metropolis of Alapolka on the planet Harvon. Harvon was a planet very similar to Earth. In fact, before it was sucked into a blackhole, it held the title as the reigning champion of backwater planets. The technology level on the planet was in some ways very advanced (somewhat more so than Earth) and in other ways less advanced (somewhat less so than Earth). Much of the culture revolved around agricultural and ranching pursuits, wrestling, racing, and shooting things. It had a fully functioning democracy, and the political situation of the planet was, for the most part, stable.

Lulu was only eleven years old when the planet (as well as the a few of the surrounding solar systems) had to be evacuated when a science experiment on a neighboring (and much less backwater planet) went horribly awry and created a massive blackhole. Amazingly, the large-scale evacuation managed to save several thousands of each sentient race in jeopardy. Sadly, many of the flora and fauna of the planets swallowed up by the blackhole were lost.

The Harvoni race was scattered throughout the universe. Throughout her life, Lulu was moved from planet to planet, giving her a kind of unstable upbringing. As a result, she became a rather rebellious youth who was constantly getting into some kind of trouble. Her rebellious streak subsided some when after several misadventures (which included getting into trouble with the law and resulting community) with her psychotic boyfriend, she was pushed towards a line that she decided was best left not crossed. Her family was relieved when she broke up with her psycho boyfriend and decided to start life anew, roaming the great wide open universe atop her hog and trying to make up for past mistakes.

Personality & Motivation:

Lulu tends to be very excitable, cheerful, dense, and somewhat socially clumsy. It is rare that she thinks before she speaks, and she can, at times, be a bit impulsive and very daring. She is assertive and highly competitive (to the point of being a sore loser who will continuously demand rematches or failing that, begin sulking). Some might say she's a bit rough around the edges at times, but she does have a good heart, and she is trying her best to stay on the path of goodness, truth, and justice. Of course, it doesn't hurt to want some recognition for trying to stay on that path, either.

Powers & Tactics:

Lulu doesn't really utilize a lot of thought when she's "doing her thing." She just dives in head-first, fists swinging... or crashing through walls. Every once in a while, she may stop and ask questions; though, they tend to be largely irrelevant questions in the grand scheme of things.

---

Complications:

Enemy: Some psychotic ex-boyfriends just don't know when to quit. Since Lulu broke up with him, it seems he has made it his mission to make her life a living hell. Well, at least, when it's convenient for him, of course.

Prejudice: Some alien races look down on the Harvoni race, considering them the "uneducated space hicks" of the universe.

Reputation: Lulu used to be a big-time troublemaker. Most of the trouble she caused was usually along the lines of shoplifting, vandalism, destruction of property, disturbing the peace, etc. As such, there are a number of places in the universe where she is known as a public nuisance.

Abilities: 20+8+14+0+6+6=54PP

Strength: 30 (+10)

Dexterity: 18 (+4)

Constitution: 24 (+7)

Intelligence: 10 (+0)

Wisdom: 16 (+3)

Charisma: 16 (+3)

Combat: 16+16=32PP

Initiative: +8

Attack: +8 (+10 Melee)

Grapple: +20

Defense: +10 (+4 Flat-Footed, +2 Dodge Focus)

Saving Throws: 3+4= 7PP

Toughness: +10 (+7 Con, +3 Protection)

Fortitude: +7 (+7 Con)

Reflex: +7 (+4 Dex, +3)

Will: +7 (+3 Wis, +4)

Skills: 32R = 8PP

Craft: Mechanical 5 (+4)

Drive 5 (+5)

Knowledge: Galactic Lore 2

Knowledge: Technology 4 (+4)

Languages 2 (English, Galstandard)

Notice 7 (+10)

Sense Motive 7 (+10)

Feats: 14PP

Attack Focus: Melee 2

Dodge Focus 2

Improved Grab

Improved Grapple

Improved Initiative

Improved Pin

Luck 2

Move-By Action

Power Attack

Takedown Attack

Uncanny Dodge (auditory)

Powers: 35PP

Elongation 2 (25 ft) (Flaw: Limited to arms only) [2pp]

Container 2(Spacehog) [10pp] This is not, in fact, a motorcycle. The Spacehog in question is actually a bull-sized mechanized-looking boar with tusks.

Flight 5 (250 MPH) (Flaw: Platform) {5}

Space Flight 10 (1000c) (Flaw: Platform) {5}

Immunity 9 (Life Support) [9pp]

Impervious TOU 10 [10pp]

Protection 3 [3pp]

Speed 1 (10 MPH) [1pp]

DC Block

    ATTACK      RANGE     SAVE                        EFFECT

    Unarmed     Touch     DC25 Toughness (Staged)     Damage (Physical)

Totals: Abilities (54) + Combat (32) + Saving Throws (7) + Skills (8/32) + Feats (14) + Powers (35) - Drawbacks (0) = 150/150 Power Points

[Gingerbread]

Excuse the double-post... I've heard some concerns expressed about my character regarding her background and such (and the planet Hilbi) and the potential it has towards being offensive. I am taking this concern very seriously, and advice (I was told some input from a ref would be helpful) would be appreciated. I'm willing to change her however much I need to. I have completed the HellQ, so I have her character fleshed out quite a bit, and there are some things that are kind of integral to who she is... but I definitely don't want to offend anybody, and I know I'll need to tread carefully.

[Ari]

That is an unusual character concept. Reminds me a very little of Colt. Not a fluff master myself so I won't comment further.

Big formatting thing: you do not need to put brackets around the Skills and Feats and their ranks, it's quite unnecessary!

Smaller formatting things: please list how much you bought of each Ability like so: 20 + 8 + 14 etc... before the PP total. Make clear how much you bought for each of the Exotic Saves, also before the PP total. I know it's pretty obvious, but it's part of the form. Defense and Attack needs to also be separately accounted for, as do each of the Powers.

As for the 3PP unspent, why not a couple of ranks in Knowledge(Galactic Lore)? It's not in the book, but recently added to the House Rules. Seeing as she has Impervious Toughness, how about a rank of Interpose as well?

[Gingerbread]

I just spent the three PP on making her more alien-like... Now, she has a third arm that can stretch by up to 25 feet. Because being able to punch bad guys in the face from 25 feet away with an extra arm that comes out of your back is wicked cool.

[Ari]

Ah, sorry for not counting up on my own.

Also! Important note about Description: you need to explain what the character looks like, regardless of whether or not you have a picture to help. It can help evoke details that a flat image cannot.

[KnightDisciple]

Overall, pretty solid.

A couple quick reminder links: Newbie Guide, House Rules, and Character Building Hub (links to lots of pre-made builds you can totally scavenge from like a champion).

Next, Crunch. Arichamus hit good points on formatting. Feel free to look at other people's sheets to get a sense of how we tend to format.

-You might consider making the natural Strenght 20-24, and making some of that Enhanced. It'd give a small stuntable power. But as she's a non-human species, 30 isn't too crazy, and is fine where it is, too.

-Attack looks good. Defense seems like the line got chopped off; you've got Dodge Focus 2, so the flat-footed # makes sense.

-Saves are solid. Nothing wrong with having them all be even, especially since she looks to be a somewhat generic bruiser/fisticuff type.

-English would only cost 1 skill point for language. Your native language is free, unless both English and Galstandard are "foreign". If 1 of the 2 is your native, maybe put that extra point in Drive?

-If you've got free points, consider boosting Drive a bit, since "drives a sweet bike" is a central idea to the character. Otherwise skillset looks good; all fit the concept pretty well.

-Feats looks solid. Definitely gives the impression of a "scrapper" type, which seemed to be what you were going for! (Also, Luck is totes awesome for the extra HP.)

-Powers. Let's see. The Additional Limb is a bit confusing; does she grown an arm? How does that work? Not dissing the idea, just not visualizing it well.

-The Space Hog might be better served as an Easy-to-Lose Device, if not Equipment. Unless she can basically summon it back at will such that it's effectively never lost.

-You might consider dropping her Impervious a bit, at least starting out, so she has at least a chance of getting hurt. Nothing wrong with being super-tough, but as-is it might get a bit boring, since she could just ignore a lot of villains. Unless she constantly jumps in front of bystanders and allies, then it's perfect!

-Is the protection just because she's got tough physiology? If so, you might consider shaving off enough Impervious to make that Protection into Enhanced Con or something.

Overall, not a flashy character in general, but a very solid idea, good thematic fit, and a good base to grow from.

Now, for Fluff.

-The general concept is actually really good. Schitzo-tech planets are always fun, and I like the angle of how their planet got destroyed, but there's still plenty of survivors. It's a nice element of tragedy, and it could lead to some legitimate troubles and discrimination in her past. Perhaps make the accident just a "science experiment" rather than a "science fair project". After all, people here on earth freaked out about the Large Hadron Collider!

-I do like the idea she's got a big family, there's lots of story potential there.

-I think it's good that while you gave her some rebellious and rough moments in her past, she decided there were lines she wouldn't cross, and that's what led to her being a hero. Not everyone has to start out like Superman, so variety in backgrounds is good!

-I think the "country girl comes to the big city" angle is pretty solid. Her being a space-cowgirl is really fun, and definitely a good starting point. Nothing wrong with a character who has a bit of fun punching bad guys in the face! She has room to grow, but is clearly set up as her own character.

Now, the 2 things that, for me personally, are a bit of a sticking point.

-Her people's name. Nothing wrong with a planet that was perceived as ignorant space hicks, if they aren't actually totally ignorant space hicks, but instead just old-fashioned and laid back (which does generally seem to be what you did, which is good!). But....I personally would say naming them the "Hilbis" is a bit much, at least as an "official" name. Maybe make that a derogatory name other cultures call them, but outside of a few country music songs or whatnot, people on earth don't call themselves "hillbillies". Try for something that gives a more rustic feel with a touch of flair and class. I am terrible with names though, so.

-Coupled with that, the last name being "Bob" is....also a bit much. I don't think there are many people named "Billy Bob" in the South. My suggestion would be make the name "Robertson", and then people who want to be mean and make fun of her shorten it to "Bob". Also, maybe not quite so much with "Bobbi" and "Bli" and "Lou". Maybe "Robert", "William", and "Louis"? They can still be shortened, but it gives a sense of somewhat more serious naming. (Eli is a good name, though. ). Maybe give her mother and father names, and their nicknames are "Ma" and "Pa"; I mean, I call my parents "Mom" and "Dad" still, so that's not a stretch by any means! Basically, just touch up the names and I think it's a good thing. Big families are real, and they can be fun! Family roots enrich the character.

Basically, my advice isn't to discard the "space cowgirl" thing, just make it where her, her family, and their people take themselves more seriously, and it's those stuck-up Lor jerks who call them "hicks" and "Hilbis". Put the onus on others to make it a potential source of conflict and Complications (delicious, delicious Hero Points). Make sure she's got good reason to be proud of her people; they led peaceful, enjoyable lives, they could reach the stars, and they saved thousands and thousands of lives, despite the terrible mistakes of their neighbors!

[KnightDisciple]

In thinking further, the 3rd arm feels out of place. Maybe give her stretchy arms, and one or two cosmetic differences to humans? That way she's alien, but it's not too "wacky" or anything. Not saying you have to, though! That's definitely just a suggestion. :)

[Gingerbread]

Maybe you're right... I like her being able to punch something several feet away, though.

What kind of cosmetic differences would you suggest?

[KnightDisciple]

Maybe you're right... I like her being able to punch something several feet away, though.

What kind of cosmetic differences would you suggest?

Well, some scifi-standard stuff...

-Non-human skin tone.

-Pointy or otherwise different ears.

-Eyes that are 1 solid color, or maybe even multifaceted, or have differently-shaped pupils.

-Skin has a slightly scaly quality to it, without being super-scaly.

-Various extra bumps or ridges or whatnot on the face/head.

-Something "off" with her voice, like an echo or a tinny quality or something like that.

Or any combo thereof!

[Gingerbread]

I've edited some, still got a lot more editing to do, though. I'm kind of confused and am not sure if I'm counting things correctly...

For instance, I haven't changed anything about the ability section... In AA's Space Biker build, the numbers add up to 58... but... when I counted it... it seems like it adds up to 54? Am I missing something? Maybe I'm just super tired...

Also, I was wondering.... Does it matter whether I use "drive" or "pilot?" I mean... since the Spacehog is, you know, all spacey and fly-y and everything, shouldn't I be doing the pilot thing instead of drive? Or am I missing something there, too?

[Ari]

If it's a power and not quite a vehicle, say something she controls by instinct and inherent ability rather than by training, it might make sense not to have ranks in those skills.

[KnightDisciple]

You don't need brackets around the number of ranks you have in a skill.

You'd write one like this:

Skill 3 (+5)

Drive needs the relevant stat added in.

I'm sorry for my mistake about the bike's structure earlier, that is how AA wrote it.

As for the #s on his abilities, it might just be a math error, those slip in occasionally.

I would say you could justify either. The Space Hog is a flying machine, yes, but the closest analogue is a motorbike, which is drive. Either one works, I'd think, but just do one and you're fine. :)