Seeking Thoughts and Suggestions

[TheMightyK]

Alright, here's the rough draft for my first character. Since I don't know exactly what I'm doing, I'm posting it here before I submit it. Please let me know what I need to do to this guy to bring him closer to your standards.

Player Name: TheMightyK

Character Name: Cosmic Phantom

Power Level: 10 (150PP)

Trade-Offs: None

Unspent Power Points: 0

Progress To Bronze Status: 0/30

In Brief: A hero from deep space out to protect the surrounding worlds from tyranny and oppression.

Alternate Identity: Copernicus Tungston

Identity: Not a secret, but not public knowledge

Birthplace: Illusis

Occupation: Superhero

Family: Father - Gerald Tungston; Mother - Samantha Tungston

[floatr][/floatr]

Description:

Age: 25 (DoB: 1987)

Gender: Male

Ethnicity: Caucasian

Height: 5'8"

Weight: 190 lbs.

Eyes: Brown

Hair: Brown

Power Descriptions:

Cosmic Phantom's Force Field radiates around him like a human-shaped bubble of energy. His Energy Force works like an extension of his force field, though the two work independently. His Energy Blast shoots out of his Power Gauntlets as a beam of energy, the color changing depending on which descriptor he uses. The Wide Energy Blast fires the same beam in a wide cone, instead of a thin beam.

History:

The Cosmic Phantom was born Copernicus Tungston on Illusis, a dwarf planet in a distant solar system. His parents, Gerald and Samantha Tungston, were Humans from Earth abducted by an advanced alien race called the Knarlians. Through trickery, stealth, and daring, the couple was able to escape their captors. Hijacking a shuttle, they fled into space. Filled with a feeling of bold curiosity for the adventure ahead, they abandoned their lives on Earth. Needing to escape the Knarlians, they landed on the abandoned world of Illusis.

Illusis had been home to a race of aliens who had been destroyed by the Knarlians. The surface of the world was sparse with life, but the Tungstons were able to find several necessary commodities in the caves. Geothermal energy provided heat, while the underground streams that created the caverns in the first place provided water. The Tungstons ate off the flora and fauna that thrived in the cavernous environment. Happy and prosperous, they had a son, Copernicus.

One day, while exploring the planet, Copernicus found an Illusian base that had not been destroyed by the Knarlians. Though there were no survivors, he found the remnants of their technology. Computer banks filled with knowledge long forgotten lay at his fingertips; energy providing devices greatly improved the quality of life for him and his family.

They also left their final, untested, prototype weapons - weapons which were unavailable to the Illusians when the Knarlians attacked. These weapons were the Power Gauntlets: hand-worn devices that emitted a variety of energy based effects. Also found was the Phantom Belt: a belt that gave the wearer flight, invisibility, protection from the vacuum of space and potentially the effects of the Power Gauntlets, as well as long range communication with a prototype spaceship, the Cosmic Cruiser: a ship capable of faster than light travel and equipped with the same invisibility as the Phantom Belt.

Copernicus trained with these tools, honing his skills for a day when he would protect people from the Knarlians and people like them, to prevent anyone from being exterminated like the Illusians were.

One day, he took the Cosmic Cruiser out to train with. The Knarlians noticed the activity on Illusis and went to investigate while he was gone. Mr. and Mrs. Tungston were able to contact Copernicus to warn him but they were captured before he could return. The Knarlians had retaken Illusis.

Now to defend his family and reclaim his homeworld, he has become the Cosmic Phantom.

Personality & Motivation:

Cosmic Phantom is an eager hero who wants to help people from being oppressed by tyranny. This is due to a sense of obligation to the Illusians who invented his arsenal being deliberately exterminated from their own homeworld.

Powers & Tactics:

Cosmic Phantom uses stealth and invisibility to obtain his goals without anyone ever knowing he was involved. When he is detected and forced into combat, he can blast away his enemies with an Energy Blast, use his Energy Force to move obstacles out of his way or into his opponents, leave his enemies helpless with his Hold Force, or, against large numbers, he can unleash his Wide Energy Blast to clear their ranks. His Power Gauntlets can produce a large variety of energies and he can change the type to suit his needs.

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Complications:

Enemy: Knarlians

Responsibility: Family

Secret: His homeworld Illusis is not known to be the his base of operations.

Must... Reach...: Needs to be able to press the buttons on his Power Gauntlets or Phantom Belt to activate their powers.

Abilities: 0 + 6 + 0 + 6 + 0 + 0 = 12PP

Strength: 10 (+0)

Dexterity: 16 (+3)

Constitution: 10 (+0)

Intelligence: 16 (+3)

Wisdom: 10 (+0)

Charisma: 10 (+0)

Combat: 8 + 8 = 16PP

Initiative: +7 (+3 Dex, +4 Improved Initiative)

Attack: +4 Melee, +10 Ranged (+4 Base, +6 Attack Focus (ranged))

Grapple: +4

Defense: +10 (+4 Base, +6 Dodge Focus), +2 Flat-Footed

Knockback: -10 (Impervious Force Field)

Saving Throws: 10 + 7 + 10 = 27PP

Toughness: +10 (+0 Con, +10 Impervious Force Field)

Fortitude: +10 (+0 Con, +10)

Reflex: +10 (+3 Dex, +7)

Will: +10 (+0 Wis, +10)

Skills: 36R = 9PP

Concentration 5

Craft (Electronic) 2 (+5)

Craft (Mechanical) 2 (+5)

Escape Artist 7 (+10) ^{Skill Mastery}

Knowledge (Technology) 3 (+6) ^{Skill Mastery}

Notice 5

Pilot 5 (+8) ^{Skill Mastery}

Stealth 7 (+10) ^{Skill Mastery}

Feats: 21PP

Attack Focus (ranged) 6

Dodge Focus 6

Improved Initiative 1

Luck 2

Skill Mastery 1 (Escape Artist, Pilot, Repair, Stealth)

Equipment 5 (25 EP)

Cosmic Cruiser (Vehicle)

Size: Gargantuan [3EP]

Features: Alarm 1, Navigation System 2, Remote Control [4EP]

Powers: Flight 2 (25 MPH), Concealment 2 (Normal Vision), Space Travel 10 (1000c) [18EP]

Total: 3 + 4 + 18 = [25EP]

Powers: 24 + 44 = 68PP

(All Technological)

Device 6 (Phantom Belt; 30PP Container; Flaws: Hard-To-Lose, ) [24PP]

Datalink 12 (Radio (20 Million Miles); Flaws: Limited (Only Cosmic Cruiser); [6PP]

Flight 5 (250 MPH) [10PP]

Immunity 10 (Life Support, Own Powers)[10PP]

Concealment 2 (Normal Vision)[4PP]

Device 11 (Power Gauntlets; 55PP Container; Flaws: Hard-To-Lose) [44PP]

Force Array 10 (32PP Array, Feats: Alternate Power 3)[35PP]

Base Power: Blast 10 (Energy Blast;Extras: Autofire 1; Feats: Variable Descriptor 2 (Broad group - Electromagnetic Energy) ) {32/32PP}

Alternate Power: Move Object 10 (Energy Force; Extras: Damaging; Feats: Precise 1) {31/32PP}

Alternate Power: Snare 10 (Hold Force; Extras: Secondary Effect; Feats: Variable Descriptor 2 (Broad Group - Electromagnetic Energy)) {32/32PP}

Alternate Power: Damage 10(Wide Energy Blast; Extras: Area(Cone - General), Autofire 1; Feats: Variable Descriptor 2 (Broad group - Electromagnetic Energy)) {32/32PP}

Force Field 10 ( Extras:Impervious) [20PP]

Drawbacks: -3PP

Normal Identity (Needs Devices; Frequency: Uncommon; Intensity: Major) [-3PP]

DC Block

ATTACK   RANGE       SAVE                           EFFECT

Blast    Range       DC25 Toughness (Staged)        Damage (Variable)

Move     Range       DC25 Toughness                 Damage (Bludgeon)

Snare    Range       DC20 Reflex (Staged)           Bound (Entangled)

Unarmed  Touch       DC15 Toughness (Staged)        Damage (Physical)

Damage   Touch(cone) DC25 Toughness/Reflex (Staged) Damage (Variable)

Totals: Abilities (12) + Combat (16) + Saving Throws (27) + Skills (9) + Feats (21) + Powers (68) - Drawbacks (3) = 150/150 Power Points

[Raveled]

Gnarly.

One quick note -- the Superman expy in the setting had the secret identity of Mark Leeds, so I'd change his surname. Otherwise it's a bit like a DC hero named Copernicus Kent, you know?

Before dissecting the mechanics, I have a big question -- why is this guy on Earth? Okay, he's a human being, but he wasn't born here. Unless the aliens brought his parents here, there doesn't seem to be a reason for this guy to ever leave his home planet. If this is something you intend to address with his first thread, that's fine, but I'd suggest filling out the backstory at least until he has a solid reason to stay on Earth (or at least live here while adventuring IN SPAAAACE).

[TheMightyK]

Thanks for input. The first thread was going to be about him fighting to get the aliens off his home planet. I was going to spend my extra points between that thread and all the extracurriculars to make that planet a HQ and do most of his adventures in space with only the occasional one on Earth. Even if he were to do all his adventuring on Earth, his space ship has Space Travel 10, so there's no reason why he can't zip back and forth in a reasonable amount of time. Once he comes to Earth (second thread, he'd be curious to see what all the other Humans were up to) I'm sure he'll make a few friends and have reasons to be around.

[Raveled]

Here's the problem I see, here. This is Freedom City Play by Post. Most stories about your character should happen in and around Freedom City. That's not saying that a character can't occasionally venture into the depths of space (I have a thread like that going right now, actually) but you should plan for most of their stories to involve Freedom City and the locales around it. A character who is going to be spending 90% of their time and telling most of their stories off the planet really wouldn't fit here.

I'm sure one of the refs could explain it in more detail.

[TheMightyK]

Alright, that's all easy stuff to change anyway. Any glaring issues with the numbers and powers?

[Raveled]

Exotic saves can be brought down a bit. Ideally they should even out to something like PL -2. Any more than that and it might be a bit boring as you shrug off all attacks.

It might be a bit boring to have Skill Mastery on all of his skills, seeing as it reduces the amount of rolling you get to/have to do.

I wouldn't list Invisibility. I'd use something more like Concealment 2 (Normal Visual), but that's just me.

List precise ranges and speeds for Datalink and Flight.

Overall, the design and the concept look solid. A little bit like Space Ghost, in all honesty, which is a good thing for me!

[Supercape]

Without scrutinising it a few notes on the mechanical side only.

1. Improved Initiative is +4 to initiative, not +5 (for a total bonus of +6)

2. There is no "Repair" skill. This is subsumed under Craft (Mechanical) and Craft (Electronic) - so you probably want one or quite possibly both of these skills. You may also feel like grabbing Knowledge (technology).

3. We tend to prefer powers annotated by their base power - so Invisibility 2 might be best annotated as Concealment 2 (all visual senses). This is not a hard rule, however.

4. Variable Descriptor 2 (all Energy) is perhaps a little broad or inappropriate. All Electro-magnetic energy might be appropriate. And you still need one descriptor for the power. Which could be "Technological" for instance.

5. Paralyse (which needs is power rank which I guess is 10) seems a little...odd...to me. I could certainly see an Energy blast stunning someone, but Paralyse tends to be about physically immobilising people as in a mental blast (although it could simulate a neurotoxin too). No absolute ban on this, it just seems a bad fit compared to stun for "shooting energy blasts" like electric stuns etc.

6. Not sure what the Power Loss (All Powers) is from? Obviously not from loss of devices (As thats covered within devices discount!).

A few suggestions:

1. All saves at +10 is a) more than you might need (so if you need to shave off a few points I would look there) and potentially a bit bland. Many players / characters tend to spread them a bit to reflect the characters strengths and weaknesses.That's not necessary, but it can be fun!

2. Similarly I might advise lowering those skills a bit (which are all beyond professional into "expert expert" level) and have a bit of a broader base. A few ranks in notice, or concentration, for instance, might be worthwhile both from a practical perspective and to flesh out the character.

3. Flight 2 for a Cosmic Cruiser seems a bit slow...!

4. I'm not sure you need Datalink to the Cosmic Cruiser. And if its only to one location, personally I would strongly consider that as a 2 point flaw rather than 1 (although other refs might disagree!)

Thats it!

[TheMightyK]

Thanks guys. I'll rework the skills, the skill mastery, the descriptors, and ranges and rename Invisibility. Still not sure I'm going to lower the saves, just because even though I might be making it too easy I'm worried about getting killed by the dice. Addressing Supercape's issues in order:

1. I messed up in copying (I'm amazed at how much I've done that. Honestly, I'm usually better than this.) - my Dex is +3 so the total still comes out to +7 for Initiative

5. Paralyze is a specialize shot of his Energy Force that holds his enemies immobile. What other power could I use to simulate that?

6. Power Loss (All Powers) was for him not being able to push the necessary buttons on his Power Gauntlets, a la Space Ghost. I forgot to clarify that, but I obviously had it in mind.

As for the Cruiser's Flight, that's just for maneuvering within the weaker gravity of his home planet. He'd be using his own flight for any travel on other planets like Earth and leave the Cruiser "parked" in orbit. I might bump it up a little if I have points to spare after redoing the skills and feats.

I'll post here again once I've updated it. Thanks again for the help!

[Supercape]

5. Paralyze is a specialize shot of his Energy Force that holds his enemies immobile. What other power could I use to simulate that?

Paralyse is possible. I don't know Space Ghost. But if the Incredible Hulk could smash though that energy force field, its probably best as a snare (i.e. you break free from it with strength rather than fortitude rolls). Or, another way of looking at it, if it can hold a zombie or a robot (who are immune to fort saves) it should be a Snare. (I don't think a will save is appropriate).

6. Power Loss (All Powers) was for him not being able to push the necessary buttons on his Power Gauntlets, a la Space Ghost. I forgot to clarify that, but I obviously had it in mind.

That's fine! However, it sounds more in keeping with power loss (unable to wave hands) or power loss (unable to speak) which is worth 1 point. You could potentially stretch to 2 if there was also some way of blocking the buttons, but to be honest that is far too close to double dipping as you already get a discount for the devices. Alternatively, you could apply this drawback to the separate arrays - I have always found the logic behind power loss (individual powers) and power loss (global drawback) a messy and internally inconsistent one. To be honest, these days, I prefer to have these kind of things as complications on my characters.

[Supercape]

Also, an important point:

just because even though I might be making it too easy I'm worried about getting killed by the dice.

No character here ever dies without player permission.

Whilst some players here have a more "gamist" approach than others, and that's fine, this site cares a lot about narrative / story / writing elements. I mention this because if you worry about things like dying or being defeated, or not keeping up with Joneses, you are probably doing so needlessly. We don't worry about these things!

[TheMightyK]

Updated:

- Completely overhauled skills

- Removed "Repair" from Skill Mastery feat and added "Knowledge (Tech)"

- Added Ranges and Speed to Datalink and Flight for both Phantom and Cruiser

- Renamed all instances of Invisibility 2 to Concealment 2 (Sight)

- Added Technological descriptor to all powers and narrowed the group of the Variable Descriptor feats to Electromagnetic Energy.

- Adapted Power Loss (All Powers) into a Complication.

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Please give it another once-over and let me know if this guy's ready for submission.

[Raveled]

A quick run-down on Concealment and senses. One rank of Concealment protects from a single sense, while two ranks protect an entire sense type. A sense is something like thermovision, or radio, or ultrahearing. A sense type would be visual senses (thermovision, normal vision, UV vision, everything).

visual senses cost double to buy, so two ranks of Concealment could shield Phantom from one visual sense; thermovision, UV vision, normal vision, or something else. You should note more clearly what it effects.