Break The Ice (IC)

[TheAbsurdist]

"The implication is that your effort to be 'better at having' friends is inherently sabotaged by your behavior.  How much here is from an impulse of the self and how much is you trying to prove to someone else that you can?"  Of course it was a little hard to say what Elias believed, as he made assertions or asked questions and then evaluated the responses.  And then he lifted his head and looked back at Darren levelly.

 

He smiled, tightly, like some sort of cynical amusement.  "I believe you are self-involved and unabashed in your self-centered.  Typical for our age bracket and coming from a background of abundance.  You don't hold the desperate avarice or envy of someone who lacked and now has.  Like most everyone you are capable of empathy, but don't quite bridge the gap, as synthesizing the perspective of others is uncomfortable.  And you are currently trying to work a friendship, or more, with someone whom is viewed as a high-functioning sociopath by numerous people at Claremont."

 

He allowed himself to slow, and let Darren catch up a bit to him.  "Someone who has an earned worldview fundamentally different than yours, and has the literal and metaphorical scars to show for it.  But the temperment and humor aren't connecting.  Not like they should for an immediate desire for friendship.  And in general due to the hormonal influence of people our age the safe assumption in that immediate interest, like what you demonstrate, is based on attraction.  Which you are loathe to admit, possibly because you would be admitting your sister right.  Though how much of that immediate interest is because you are having a bit of the moth to the flame...?"

 

And then he shrugged, and pushed away, like what he said was of no importance, and he actually tried to ice skate, moving in a slow, sweep motion.  Wobbling a bit, and adjusting his balance as best he could.

[Russoboo]

"Of course it's self-sabotaging. But isn't that kind of the point? Like, if I want someone to know me the way a friend is supposed to, shouldn't I be honest? I mean, I'm not gonna, like, open up and bury you with all my worst everythings, but hiding it all won't get anything. Not anything real, anyway." Darren exhaled and deflated a moment. He slid to a stop near Elias, but not too close, skates churning up a weak spray of shaved ice. "I used to be like that, and it was, like, really good until it was really bad, and since then I've just been a pretender. I think most people buy it because they want to, but I know you never would. You're, like, a dissector. On top of being a human lie detector."

 

"I wouldn't say empathy is uncomfortable, it's just more like...unnecessary? I can understand other people without, like, feeling the way they do, so I just do that. Doesn't sound too different from high-functioning sociopathy to me, really." Darren's faced turned pink again and he put his hands to his neck. "Well, I mean, yes, I do find you attractive. Like, you have some physical aesthetics going on. I can say that, I just won't say that I'm only talking to you because I'm having some schoolgirl fantasy because that's not true, even if that's what my sister wants to think is happening."

 

He looked over to Elias and smiled. "You know, The Odd Couple is about platonic opposites attract, so, like, there's still a chance. I mean, I'm happy enough just talking to you, I figure if I can do the same for you, that's a basis right there."

[TheAbsurdist]

"You can't bury me with your worst everythings Darren.  I am here to ruin your idea, you are not special.  I am not special."  Resting his free hand on his hip as he looked at him.  "You are having difficulty because you are trying to have something more than what you are used to, which has been, to be honest, shallow.  You are pushing yourself past your comfort zone."

 

"I can't state whether I am a high functioning sociopath.  The crazy person isn't aware they are crazy.  And it is uncomfortable, true empathy is you having to place yourself outside of the bounds you know, because somehow there is value attached to those bounds.  A stone cast causes ripples.  There are no bounds.  The separation is an illusion.  Actions have consequences that exceed your ability to gauge impact.  To understand someone else, is in part to accept that fact.  You call me aloof, that isn't correct, I am visceral.  I am just... restrained.  I can't control that the doors are flung open, I can control what happens so I don't let anything out."  And then he closed his mouth and just had a thousand yard stare.

[Russoboo]

Darren kept his mouth shut. He swallowed hard and tried to concentrate on keeping his thoughts together. Talking to Elias was a challenge, but not because he had nothing to say. Darren didn't feel pensive enough for it most of the time, as though he lacked the introspection to speak on the same level. He turned in a slow circle on the ice and fidgeted with the buttons on his coat rather than say something that wasn't quite perfect. After an impressive minute of nary a sound out of him, he came to a stop.

 

"It's the same thing. Being aloof is being restrained. It's keeping a necessary distance. I totally get that, I guess you could even say I empathize." He shrugged, palms to the dark sky. "And maybe that's a little scary or uncomfortable or whatever, but, like, right now I think it's worth it. Even when you're being all verbose and philosophical and trying to poke my ego full of holes, I don't know, it's alright. It doesn't feel mean or anything, it's just who you are, what you do."

 

 A little smirk. "That's special to me. Maybe it doesn't matter to anyone else, but like you said, I'm self-centered and self-involved, my definition is clearly the most important."

[TheAbsurdist]

"Everyone is self-centered.  Some people can just turn that off, for various reasons. But..."  He shrugged then, and looked almost chagrined.  "If we go further then we are arguing meanings..."  Moving to the little wall around the ice, and he hopped up and sat down on it, looking at Darren.  "The distance is more to stop it from hitting you all, if I don't have strong controls over it."   Resting his hands on his thighs, he watched Darren.  "Also, the hastag comment was worst than the liking people comment."

 

Of course they were different people, Elias was clearly an introvert.  Which made sense in the equation of opposites.

[Russoboo]

"Oh, yes, and arguing with you about definitions is, like, the least fun thing I can think of right now. Maybe prying off my fingernails would be worse, maybe." Darren put his hands behind his back and skated towards Elias. He turned to the right and leaned, then tilted the other way until he was carving a neat figure eight across the glossy ice. Once he got into a steady rhythm, he started to gesture at nothing with his hands. "Figures you wouldn't appreciate a good hashtag, you're lucky I don't, like, tell the internet how disapproving and mean you are."

 

Darren hummed a few bars. "Well, I wanted to know if you were okay and, like, considering that you're being what I think is your normal self, I guess that's a yes. Sort of a roundabout way to get there, but at least it happened." He stopped in the middle of his figure eight and spun in place. After two rotations, he stopped spinning and posed with his arms out and one leg back - momentum carried him a couple feet backwards. "And rather than try to continue to cross-analyze you, which is like squeezing water from a stone, how about something mundane? How's school going? Grades good? No drama with your other friends, I hope?"

[TheAbsurdist]

"I could tell everyone in the school about your amazing Berber collection.  Everyone.  All at once."  He said it sagely, with a slow, curt nod, he was making a joke, and missing the mark with his pop culture reference.  Though with his stoic mannerisms it was unintentionally hilarious.

 

Pushing off on the wall then, and moving carefully on the ice as the blades came back down again, as he moved in a slow lazy circle around Darren once more.  "Hardly, I suppose...  School is fine.  Drama is there.  I do not make friends easily, and I am mistrusted by a lot of our class due to some actions I did.  But that is expected and understood."  Shrugging a bit, and glancing around them again, something like a scared rabbit in the process.

[Russoboo]

Darren looked at Elias, brow drawn together in an effort not to smile. Deadpan didn't quite capture the flatness of Elias' humor, and even if the joke was weak, the attempt was enough to make Darren snicker despite his best intentions. He placed the side of his finger between his teeth and held it there until his laughter subsided and he regained his composure. Darren cleared his throat with a little cough.

 

"Expected and understood?" The line of his mouth wriggled in thought. "That sucks, I'm sorry. I mean, you're obviously not happy about it, and I'm pretty sure you didn't do anything deserving whatever you're getting. Not like you tried to kill anyone or go full villain mode or something, right?" Darren nodded to himself, agreeing before Elias had a chance to respond. "Their loss, just means I get to keep you all to myself. Anything you want to do, just tell me and, like, I'll totally make it happen. Well, anything short of a trip to the moon, that might be out of the budget unless I bribe Kat."

[TheAbsurdist]

"I don't hide who I am, or where I come from. I fit in with the socially inept or emotionally scarred better.  And... "  He smiled a little bit,  "I did sort of use my power on everyone in a girl's dorm.  In my defense I was trying someone who had vandalized a room... Unfortunately they all kind of know it was me."  Shrugging a little, and he slowly leaned forward, stretching a leg up and behind him, and keeping his weight over the remaining leg on the ice as he stretched his arms out and concentrated very, very hard on what he was doing.

 

"Again, you say things that have multiple meanings.  I go on my runs, I have a part time job, I do my school, and I do my training with Mali, and the other stuff with Eve.  I am not a very complicated person."

[Russoboo]

"And you tried to make it sound like we don't have anything in common. The socially inept thing, that's, like, something I've trained my whole life to overcome, so I have a bit of a leg up there, but emotionally scarred might be a bit, well..." Darren tapped his index finger on the tip of his nose once, twice, then stuff his hand into a coat pocket and out of the cold. He scuffed the ice with one skate. "Since you said use, I'm going to assume you, like, tried to hack their brains or whatever. Which, yeah, is an invasion of privacy and everything, but, come one, if your telehaptics don't turn off, you're basically feeling up everyone around you all the time, at least a little bit." Darren frowned down at the ice. "I guess that should weird me out more, but whatever. I mean, bad Elias, using the Force like that, but you were trying to do something right, which I thought was the whole point of the school."

 

"I didn't know you had a job." He stressed the word and ended it with a little laugh. "What do you do? And I just meant if you wanted to do more mundane stuff like tonight, let me know, you should try things out, like, experience things for their own sake. Carpe diem or whatever. Diversity is the spice of life."

[TheAbsurdist]

"I just shouted, and I waited to see who would poke their head up."  He shrugged a little bit, and wobbling the whole while he slowly straightened and looked back at Darren.  "I work at a shop, down in Lincoln, in a bad part of town.  I am... learning there too."  Though he didn't know what to admit, that he was intending on getting into fights there, well if the gangs and hoods would oblige.  Stopping and tilting his head to look at him, and he shrugged a little bit, snorting a little.

 

"Less like I am feeling people up, more like they are walking on my web.  Come on."  And then he pushed away, moving towards the stand that sold hot chocolate, and talking to the person at the booth.  "Two please."

[Russoboo]

"Just a shout? That doesn't sound so bad, it's not like you were waving a psychic can opener around or anything." Darren pantomimed as he spoke, stabbed the air and worked an unseen blade in a circle. He managed to resist the urge to materialize some crystals for better visuals as he decided to not panic any of the other skaters. As for the store, Darren said nothing, though it was obvious that Elias was holding back. Instead, he nodded and followed Elias to the stand with one hand fumbling into his pocket.

 

"Make sure mine has marshmallows, please." He pulled his wallet out and opened it, then paused. Darren looked up at the list of prices, then back down at his wallet, and over at Elias' shoulder. He took out enough money to cover his own drink and, satisfied that it felt like the proper not-date, normal friends thing to do, set it on the counter. Darren took his cocoa and held it with it both hands as he gently blew across the top of the cup. "This is a good idea, like, it reminds me of going skiing when I was little. Awful sport, really, my brother broke his leg one year, but it's a good excuse to, like, sit by a fireplace and drink cocoa."

[TheAbsurdist]

Glancing to Darren then, and nodding, and seeing him fish out the money, then Elias paid for his, and covered the tip as well, flashing a brief ghost of a smile to the girl behind the counter, and then turning his attention back to Darren.  "It is still an invasion, as far as they are concerned.  I shouldn't have been there, but... Anyway, I was trying to find someone who vandalized a room, I made a mistake.  Though I'd do it again."

 

Shrugging a bit, as he took a small sip of the hot chocolate.  "I've skied, just never downhill.  Did more snowshoeing back in Oregon."  He didn't mention the obvious thoughts in Darren's head as he moved to sit on a bench, though he didn't need to read them to know they were there.

[Russoboo]

"You'd do it again, huh? I like that, very no regrets. It's not like it was a big mistake, anyway, no one died or anything crazy." Darren glared down at his hot chocolate as he spoke. It was a little too hot to drink quickly and he didn't particularly want to go diamond form in the middle of an ice rink just for some cocoa. He went back to blowing on it to cool it down and made his way over to the bench where Elias had taken a seat. With some difficulty, Darren managed to sit down next to the other boy. He tapped his toes together to shake some of the ice shavings off his skates.

 

"We used to do all kinds of, like, crazy rich people high adventure stuff. Cross country, rock climbing, snorkeling. I drew the line at bungee jumping, really wasn't so excited about potentially breaking my neck. Anna still goes for that whole mess, I find it pretty awful." He drummed his fingers on his knee and took a drink. "What about you? You don't strike me as much of an adrenaline junkie, either."

Edited March 7, 2013 by Russoboo

[TheAbsurdist]

"I've had this conversation before..."  A small smile on his lips, finding humor in something no one else might.  Or at least how he saw it.  "Subito and I."  Shrugging a little as he lifted his gaze, and stared off into the sky.  "We are special.  We are not the norm.  All of us will engage in dangerous behavior.  To varying degrees.  For various reasons.  Haunted by ones past.  A sense of duty.  A desire for recognition.  Want of glory.  Or just being a thrillseeker.  And I am simplifying that.  But people want to stand out, they want to be... remembered.  To feel connection.  Feel something."

 

His head tilted a little bit as he still had that thousand yard stare, and lifted his cup and took a small sip of the steaming liquid.  "This line of questions will reveal moments of my life that will be make matters awkward."

[Russoboo]

"Subito is kind of a doof, but sometimes he knows what's up. Considering how he is around me, I wouldn't be surprised if he was carrying a little torch for you, too." Darren tittered into the curve of his hand. He gave Elias a sidelong glance. "I guess the whole active superheroes thing does, like, necessitate some risk-taking behavior from all of us. Question was more about if you'd do the same kind of thing in your free time, if you think that risking bodily harm is fun on top of whatever other aspect motivates you to dress up and beat up criminals. My powers sort of obviate the need for the extreme sports side of things, which is perfect for me."

 

Darren looked down at his drink, where he had it resting on one knee. His other leg bounced, restless. "Look, let me hash it out like this. I've told you that I'm not normally big on sharing, so I totally get why you'd want to avoid introducing any awkwardness. And, like, I'm not going to try to force information out of you." He turned to Elias with a sly grin. "But short of telling me 'Darren, the truth is I hate you, please die and/or never speak to me again', I'm pretty sure whatever awkward you've got, I can handle. We can even do, like, equivalent exchange here."

[TheAbsurdist]

He arched a brow, it was an artful expression on him, something that conveyed a lot, and given how little he emoted. "I wouldn't know, like you he is terrified of me touching his mind." And he lifted a hand at the protest that would come. "You don't make it a point to ask everyone you meet to not use their powers on you. That comes from a place of a lack of trust. Generally fear causes that. My statement is an observation not a judgement, as it doesn't matter to me why someone doesn't want me to touch their mind. Besides, he likes Cerys."

 

"Like our English teacher says, show don't tell..." He very carefully got to his feet, and with only some wobbling and slipping, and he reached down, to grasp at the hem of his shirt and jacket, and he lifted, showing his stomach to Darren, and the scar in the shape of a hand there, the left one. "I have a matching one between my shoulder blades. From my mother. I used my powers on her, on accident, and she 'corrected' me. She would shoot at me with a gun so I was familiar with the sound of gunfire and bullets whizzing by me, so I knew the feel. I was taught to survive by someone who was... harsh, after we fled New Freedom, and my father. She is my... nice parent."

Edited March 8, 2013 by TheAbsurdist

[Russoboo]

"I'm not terrified, it just-" Darren paused and scrunched up his face, but the words didn't come to him. He deflated. "You're right, the reason doesn't really matter. I guess if I really trusted you, I wouldn't think I needed to shut you out."

 

Darren looked up at Elias curiously as the boy stood and turned. He stared at Elias' stomach, eyes almost level with the hand-shaped scar, and lay a hand over his mouth. His eyes turned up to meet Elias' and Darren seemed suddenly small. He reached out to tug at the hem of Elias' shirt and bring it back down, and his other hand left his mouth enough for him to find his voice. "That's...not what I expected. I'm sorry." Darren moved his cocoa to the bench and stood up, then wrung his hands. "I feel like, like, I should hug you, but I can understand why you maybe wouldn't want that, so I won't if you don't want to. I can't even imagine."

[TheAbsurdist]

"The problem all of you have is you assume I am as shut out as your are.  I can look into person.  I can see how they react and respond to the world around them.  I have done it since I was child.  I don't need to reach out to you to see what you are thinking and feeling, because you all assume no one is really looking outside of themselves and at you.  I am."  Shrugged as his shirt and jacket fell down.

 

"I understand others don't have my life, I don't feel... sad about it.  It is my life.  It helps make me who I am.  I don't cry at the perceived tragedies.  I don't share because there is no lead in for some things that happened to me.  I know it will effect others, and my indifference to it will be more disturbing.  I should be angry or sad or something...  but I am not.  Like I said... I can make things awkward."

 

And he took another slurping sip of his cocoa.

[Russoboo]

Darren crossed his arms over his chest and pulled in a breath. He sighed and fog billowed out of his mouth. He tipped his head towards Elias. "Well, it still, like, freaks me out a little to think of all that happening, but if you say you're fine, then I believe you. It definitely explains a lot, I guess. Like, gives me a better frame of reference." Darren reached back and picked up his own cocoa, then took a drink, albeit quieter than Elias. He wobbled around Elias and got a few from the bench before he turned on his skates. "And I agree, like, you probably should feel something about it all, but I also get it, you know?"

 

"It's totally uncool to compare traumas, so I won't, but sometimes the big things, the stuff that makes us who and how we are, they can, like, be too big to get emotional about. They just are. Most people, I think, have something like that. It's, like, a defense mechanism." Darren's eyes flicked down to his dwindling supply of hot chocolate. "You know, if this was a date, this would be, like, completely inappropriate and no one would call back for a second date." His lips twitched back around a smile. "Lucky for you, I'm not just here for your pretty face. How confidential do you want this conversation to be, by the way?"

[TheAbsurdist]

"Again, if I don't control my emotions there are problems.  If I get impassioned while arguing a point, I may push that point to you without regard, or reach out to try and understand your perspective.  My abilities are as tied to my emotions as they are my logical mind."  He sighed a little bit looking to the side and he frowned a little bit.  "I don't hide that I am an illegal alien from a dictatorship whose parents are murderers, or worse.  Or that I was exposed to the psychic environment of New Freedom at a young age.  But the words don't click unless they see the scars, there needs to be evidence for there to be reference, I suppose."

 

He shrugged again, a go to gesture on his part, but it expressed his inability to articulate how he wanted to in situations like this.  "There is no defense mechanism because I have no shame, or sadness or angst over this.  So I don't really hide it, but... I get frustrated when people don't understand, so I will tell or show them."  He smiled a little ruefully then, a flicker, a ghost.  "So it isn't confidential, besides the sitcoms tell me that such a thing is not possible anyway."

[Russoboo]

"Hmm."

 

Darren turned about, slid back in a shallow loop on his right foot. "Sometimes I forget that you're, like, not just a psychic receiver, you can actually transmit, too. I'm so used to having completely one-track powers, I get a little dumb about it. Keeping it all under control is very, well, pragmatic of you, then. Although," he drained the last of his cocoa with a glug, "and this is something a shrink told me, so you know it's a terrible idea, you need some outlet. Control is great up until it slips and you don't know what to do about it. Like, I'm sure that won't happen, but it'd still probably be good to find someone you can't push."

 

"Like, an echo chamber." He shook his head. "No, wait, that sounds like a feedback loop. More like...one of those music rooms with the soundproof walls? Yeah." Darren pointed the cup first at Elias and then at himself. "I'd totally volunteer if you wanted, but, like, I'd need to get some extracurriculars on psy-defense first. Maybe a robot, do we know any of those? Not the murder rampage kind, though."

 

"And," he put a hand over his heart and mock stumbled, "I can't believe you'd, like, wound me like that! I'm not Gossip Girl here, I'm actually very, very good at keeping secrets when I need to. Or when I'm asked to. But even though you didn't, I think I'll still be quiet about it. Like you said, people probably wouldn't believe it without seeing it, so they'd just think I'm some horrible rumor mill even though I'm one-hundred percent honest a lot of the time."

[TheAbsurdist]

"People are... harder to mess with like that then they think.  Well at least the kind that will wear lycra and punch robots...  But still... I..."  He frowned and shuddered.  "Rewriting people's minds is...  It is something my father likes to do, it is how he executes dissidents, he makes them commit suicide, because of the shame for what they did to New Freedom, by betraying Her."  His expression went pensive, and he moved carefully, taking his time, before finishing the cocoa.

 

 

"... I should stop with that."  He frowned a little, before he turned his head to look at Darren.  "I sort of told someone else.  Though I didn't elaborate.  It is hard to segue into these kinds of statements, I tend to forget other people aren't as sensitive, as me."

[Russoboo]

"Wow. I don't think I can even make a daddy issues joke about that, he sounds a psycho. But I guess that's, like, par for the course for fascism." Darren rubbed at the back of his neck and gave Elias a little frown. He nudged the other boy with his elbow and jerked his thumb over his shoulder, back towards the open ice. With a shuffle of cloth, he stuffed one hand in a pocket for warmth and turned his cup over in the other. "It is kind of a bombshell, but it seems like something you should talk about. Like anything else, if it's getting all heavy on you, just tell me about it and I promise to keep my freaking out to a minimum level. Expression is the better part of valor."

 

Darren tapped a skate against the ice. "What happened to your mom, if I can ask? He didn't, like...catch her, did he?"

[TheAbsurdist]

Elias' brows knitted together again, and he looked at Darren for a moment..   "He is where I inherit my telepathic powers from, maybe, I don't know how that is.  I was mad at my mother, and I attempted change her mind.  She beat me, and then used her toxic touch on me.  Until I learned to shut things out somewhat I heard a lot worse from New Freedom than what my father did.  I can't... explain things to you, and I can't show them to you without it leaving it's mark on you."

 

"We ran, well... she ran and took me, I was six.  She had a friend.  My uncle . We fled.  Ended up stateside, and in the high desert up in Oregon.  In October they found us.  Or something.  He showed up with men, and there was a firefight, I grabbed the bag, and my uncle got me out of there, dropping me on a roof in Southside.  And then he went back.  She was shot a couple of times.  I don't have any answers for after that.  I... know there are things kept from me, things that were lied about.  So I believe things were done to my memories maybe.  I am not certain.  He had too many men with him for my mom's flight to be a simple thing."